down with cis
why do i keep getting so scared and nervous even just watching trans voice lessons on youtube? forget following along, i can’t even get myself to simply watch the videos, what the hell?
It’s hard, and it’s something you need to practice a lot over time. In general learning new skills is difficult to maintain. Especially if you’re not interested in the mechanics of voice and sound, it can be a slog.
Unlike doing HRT or hair removal, which we can just do and move on, voice training is something we feel we can fail at. So there’s the added anxiety of “I can’t do this” or “I’m fucking up so much” or “this isn’t actually me” or “this feels like a fake cartoon voice”.
It’s a looooong process. Trans voice lessons said that your new voice becomes natural when you use it on accident at least 50% of the time. I can’t even maintain it for an evening while trying, let alone doing it on accident lol.
All of these factors lead it to be anxiety inducing, imo.
HOWEVER, it’s also one of the things you can pretty much practice anywhere, and it’s free, so it’s a lot more accessible than other things. Also, it’s got me interested in singing, and I’m loving it.
Yeah, I’m struggling so hard with just getting properly started myself. I’ve spent the past three weeks doing some daily vocal exercises, then I found out a few days ago that they’re pretty much useless and based on incorrect information, so now I’m back to square one :(
I’m considering just paying for a few lessons with a voice coach, I don’t think I’m able to do this on my own
It’s terrifying and dysphoria inducing. Every person I know that attempted to voice train from these videos was terrified in some manner at some point, so don’t feel bad. I know it was difficult for myself as well.
I keep having bad experiences with it where my friends straight up don’t even notice I’m trying. I was talking with my friend and switched to a subtly “femme” voice while talking about the idea of voice training and this bitch turns to me with a bright smile and says “You should try your voice training right now” like i hadn’t already been doing for the last 45 seconds
my other friend told me “idk i just hear [my name]” when i tried switching. holy fuck i’m putting such effort and thought into what i’m saying and people straight up don’t fucking notice
Unfortunately, the first couple steps are not very noticeable. It takes mastering a lot of techniques to get to that point where it’s clearly different to those that hear your voice often. I think it took me around 2 or 3 months before people started to hear a difference. This is definitely a skill that requires a massive amount of effort and a massive amount of time investment. It’s hard af, but holy hells it is worth it.
I took voice lessons in person (my health insurance covers most of that) and i’ve never struggled with the usual stuff like dysphoria from listening to the recordings, i view my voice as an instrument and not as something that’s inherently part of me. But i had a breakdown at some point where i didn’t know if i want to go on and another moment where i really questioned which voice goals to set. I just reached the point eventually were i seriously wondered how much effort i want to put into passing when it isn’t needed for my own comfort - i don’t get dysphoria when my voice is in an androgynous range, so if i would go further than i am now, i would only be doing it for cis people, to assimilate into their weird, butchphobic notion of womanhood, and that just destroys all of my motivation to keep actually working on my voice, even though i’m one of the few trans people who actually enjoys voice training.
Damn, that’s pretty awesome. In that you never got dysphoria for doing it and that your insurance paid for it. That’s gotta be rare as hell.
Don’t get me wrong, I did enjoy training it, but the videos would highlight my shortcomings and it would get to me from time to time. The actual changing the voice part was an interesting experience where it was fascinating to see how my voice would be altered with each added technique of modulating everything. However, I will say that I oft got mad at myself for missing the mark or dropping the new technique or what have you. Even to this day, where I’m probably a year past having reached where I needed to be, I’m still paranoid about failing to pass with my voice.
Speech therapy is actually one of the very few areas in German trans healthcare where accessibility and coverage aren’t a problem. But don’t get me started on laser hair removal.
Damn. That’s actually really cool. All insurances I’ve come across here in the States straight refuse to cover speech therapy. Laser hair removal is very iffy. Mine doesn’t, but my puppy wife’s did but only to remove hair for the bottom surgeries that required it.
It’s really fun hard. Took me a while and also I’m still no good at all
6·1 month agonegative
Playing that game (AuDHD or Trans), and all of the examples can be explained away as AuDHD, and none of the obv. trans examples fit. Really hits that… imposter syndrome? That “Not trans™”
But here’s the thing… only trans people are worried about if they are actually transgender! A cisgender person does not have this obsession with their identity: they think about it, they process it, they move on. If you keep returning to these thoughts over and over again, this is your brain telling you that you took a wrong turn
I KNOW. But telling me doesn’t fucking work.
continued.
https://hexbear.net/comment/4670052
https://hexbear.net/comment/4904867
Chuckles and teary eyes.
continued.
Everything is either “I don’t know, I can’t feel my feelings, I’ve chalked this problem up to autism”, or it’s “that’s just autism”. The latter fitting this line:
That’s another problem with gender dysphoria: early on, you can come up with an alternate explanation for almost every symptom
continued.
One sticking point I come across a lot when I talk to questioning trans women is that they’ve paralyzed themselves with fear and are unwilling to act until they’ve solved the equation at the center of themselves and completely and fully accepted that they are, without a doubt, 100% trans.
To that end, it’s worth keeping in mind that you are not a puzzle to be solved
I didn’t have emotions before and got some upon losing T btw.
Or maybe it’s just OCD…
Maybe its just OCD?
I’m not saying you have OCD, but I think I have OCD and I know some people with OCD irrationally repeatedly question their sexuality or whatever more as intrusive thoughts than real feelings. People obsess about a wide range of things and I imagine gender could be one of them.
I personally don’t think I have that sort of gender OCD, I’m sure I’m nonbinary, but I do obsess about things related to gender.
Re personally: I have a lot of intrusive thoughts about the dysphoria I’d feel if I looked like other people around me, despite not feeling much dysphoria about myself. I’m currently way over thinking whether I want to continue hrt.
I saw the most embarrassing and corporate pride recently that even had a booth for the cops there too lol. how are queer people okay with this?
A lot of places have a gay petite bourgeoisie at this point and that means there’s queer people influential in the community and in funding and organizing local prides who benefit from the violent protection of property earned through exploitation that is the actual purpose of having a police force. It’s in their class interest to be on good terms with the cops.
I went to a pride event with a cop booth. Disgusting
i watched i saw the glow earlier (it has torrents up for it now so go watch it if you havent yet) and i dont rly have words to describe how it effected me. but ive been on the verge of crying all day lmao
Starting I saw the TV Glow now, if I don’t cry in the next hour and 40 minutes I will officially be cis and the manner settled.
okay maybe tears were welling up a little bit but I’m sure I’m past the emotional part (30m~)
(I am now crying)
(1:20)
spoilers, si, sh, negativity about being trans (I'm not doing great folks)
after (main character) runs away from her at the football field and goes back to the movie theater
I can’t do this. I can’t run and I can’t go forward. I’m stuck and I’m drowning. I’m watching myself. I can’t live like this, and I can’t go forward. I want to die. Its too hard. Hexbear I can’t do this. I just want to sleep forever. I want to cut my wrists and watch myself bleed. Life is too hard. How can I have such an easy life and not be able to do it. I hate myself. I want to cut my neck. I can’t function. I’m awful. Life is hell.
I am not in any immediate physical danger. I’m not going to actually do anything,
Sorry. I just wish one of you could come here and hug me.
Took a break, felt numb and came back for the last 10 minutes.
spoiler
where they’re 20 years in the future and have a little freak out
It was good. Relatable. I feel really numb right now, Better then how I felt at my last comment though. Sorry for all the posts. I think I’m going to go smoke.
^ me thinking about how I wish I was a girlWrong, you’ve tried posting on the bear website
holy fuck it’s been like 6 weeks now and i’m like 98% sure at this point they’ve grown somewhat holy fuck
Curse summer for being too hot to wear the outfits I want to wear
My fashion tier list:
S: Autumn
A: Spring
B: Winter
D: Summer
Seems I’m not aromantic after all. I just want to be in a lesbian romantic relationship so bad
Maybe this will be the year I finally try dating
I dont feel comfortable going outside w/o concealing my beard shadow and that requires very close shaves plus makeup, with audhd and sensitive skin, this saps my entire energy for the morning, i hate it and my insurance refuses hair removal without therapist sessions which i cant get bc the ones that arent hitler have their place overrun
i don’t feel very feminine, but tomorrow my hair will be just a little longer and i will have been on HRT just one more day. just got to be patient. it’s working slowly :)
came out to my brother today: approximately how it went:
“i don’t- i don’t know how to put this but uhh… i’m uhh… i’m trans”
“okay. this reminds me of this one league of legends youtuber i watch. hey look at that bird over there”Congrats! Glad it went well 😁
Hey guys how did you get through the later phase of your transition where you can no longer suppress your cannibalistic urges? I keep eating people and I don’t think this is sustainable anymore, I’m running out
It works fairly well to mix them with tofu at a 50/50 ratio.
holy shit I hate bodies, why do they have to be so complicated. theres fucking nerves and blood everywhere i stick my needle
