milk_thief [it/its]

  • 10 Posts
  • 111 Comments
Joined 2 months ago
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Cake day: June 5th, 2024

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  • Trauma; internalized misogyny, the usual jazz, gender blues

    After performing feminity for shy of 5 years without ANY medical assistance except some desperate shot of E once I have now passed gatekeeping. I just don’t know if the gatekeeping made me internalize gender stereotypes bc the usual pos therapist was insistent on me wearing makeup, jewelry, skirt and high heels. I remember wanting to be lithe and more non-bibary at first, but now I feel torn between that kind of hyperfeminine gender expression and wanting ffs or just wanting girl hair and a muscular body whose torso looks like a barrell with boobs… also after the years of public harrassment I want to feel strong and hyperfeminine expression makes me feel vulnerable which probably relates to fucked up stereotypes stuck in my head from cultural osmosis and problematic trans culture (never went on 4chan, but y’know). This sounds dramatic, but I feel mostly fine. I just don’t think I can bring it up with the therapist I have now bc she might start thinking I am “undecided” or some shit. If you can provide some ideas on navigating those feelings, I’d appreciate it