I’m by no means an expert on porn addiction, or what being addicted or obsessed about one particular subgenre of it could make you feel. However, I can say that I think we can identify different feelings in what you’re saying that might not be as correlated as you think they are. It’s very common for trans feminine people to have gender experiences connected with sexuality and fantasy. It’s one of the few times in society where a small modicum of vulnerability is permissible to exist for us, and it allows us to connect with an aspect of society’s conventional feminine in a way that is detached from repression and social consequences (assuming that no one else knows).

What I mean to say is that a lot of trans feminine people discover aspects of their gender through sexual experiences. I did, and I am absolutely a woman, and the fact that in my own sexual fantasies pre transition I preferred to fantasize about being one makes me no less of a woman. Most women don’t have sexual fantasies about being men, cisgender or transgender. I also used to feel so gross and ashamed after and would swear to myself I’d do everything I could to be the most masculine boy I could be and to conform neatly to societies expectations of me. I’d pretend it wasn’t real and shove it all back down into the part of my subconscious I tried to ignore. I could never see myself growing up to be a man. But I tried to, when clarity hit or however you’d prefer to call it.

When I said that there are different feelings at play, I mean that your sexuality and your gender are all mixed up in how you’re describing your feelings. Your sexual preferences may or may not involve men, men aren’t the only ones with dicks though and much of what you described seems to revolve around that anatomy in particular. So it’s hard to say exactly. Would you date a man? Is it purely the fantasy of someone else responding to you as a woman? Something to think about for sure. Sapphic trans women exist though so like. There’s not really a correlation between attraction to men and being a trans feminine person.

Your feelings describing relating to women, wanting to experience friendship between women, traditionally feminine and girly experiences - are all things a lot of transfeminine people feel pre transition. Those thoughts and feelings are tangled up in your sexuality though and its worth it to seperate them. Think about them when youre not engaging in fantasy. Try things that you want to try, explore parts of yourself thar you want to explore. It’s not like these thoughts alone say that you’re trans or that you should transition, but you can live that reality you can be that person if you want to. Consider simply that it might not be a fetish. That it could be something worth exploring. Do something simple, innocuous, like painting your nails or ordering a skirt online to try wearing yourself. Spend time trying things you’ve always wanted to, letting go of shame you may feel about them. I think the answers you’re looking for are there for you to find.

You say you want to be a guy after watching porn, but what is this reason? If deep down, you enjoying being a man, you probably are (technically genderfluid might fit here too). If you feel that because you start thinking about how you’d look to others, that sounds more like trying to fit social expectations and you probably shouldn’t trust it.

As a trans girl myself, I remember being semi-sure I was a man, because whenever I thought about who I was I felt the eye of society looking over my shoulder, telling me it’s silly, or unrealistic, or a fetish to try to be anything else. But like, wouldn’t it be cool if I’d been born a woman instead? Oh well, I wish, but I’m a man! Yeah, so actually, being a man brought me no joy, and I’ve been enjoying being a woman, just had to (still have to) get over the self-policing and shame.

Get past the porn. Stop thinking about what you want in bed. Start thinking about what you want everywhere else. Your orientation is irrelevant to your gender (though I’ll address it).

So seriously imagine yourself in a variety of situations as an ordinary woman who looks about as good as you do with a similar body type and as your male self. Picture yourself on a date, who it’s with is irrelevant and you’re free to picture with a man and a woman each, but picture yourself wearing something nice and looking your best to impress them, now picture yourself as an ordinary lady doing the same deal. Picture both of these people picking up groceries after work. Picture them standing in a post office kinda sick dressed terribly just generally feeling and looking like shit but you have to be there because your taxes are due and you procrastinated. Picture them both sitting on the couch all weekend in their sweatpants. Picture them growing older. Picture them feeling like they’ve kinda let themselves go.

Which do you want to be? All of these experiences are normal. It’s everyday life. Transitioning is saying that you’re going to be a woman for all of it. And you’re gonna have to get groceries a lot more often than first dates.

Now look at the actual effects of HRT. Read an informed consent form. Ignore everything else. Do you want these effects?

Porn is an easy crutch. Gender dysphoria tends to rabidly intensify during puberty as your body develops the wrong secondary sex characteristics. That just so happens to be when most people begin experiencing sexual desires. It can be easy to mistake one for the other, especially when you already think of trans people (especially women) as something sexual (a common manifestation of cultural transmisogyny) and associate both sexual desire and transness with shame. The porn provides a release of the desire, a chance to escape, and then a dopamine hit. But it doesn’t provide a solution to dysphoria. It’s like chugging an energy drink instead of fixing your sleep schedule.

Would putting a label on it change anything for you?

Hey there, first of all, calm down. Sexauality and Gender is weird and everyone has different experiences of their own gender kinks etc. Being into some kind of kink, like sissy hypno porn or transformation porn doesn’t make you trans, BUT a few trans femm people I’ve talked to, including myself have had similar experiences regarding our own sexuality.

Roughly two years ago when I was 23, I was in a similar place, where I suddenly realized that my kinks might be much more than kinks and it really confused and scared me. Because I had suppressed my own gender and sexuality and didn’t allow myself to experience attraction to other women, because it made me feel like a man, it all came crashing down for me when I started questioning things.

A really helpful Article I found explained a lot of my experiences, maybe it helps you as well: https://medium.com/@kemenatan/its-just-a-fetish-right-91cb0a4e261 What you need to know is the following:

• It’s okay to be kinky
• It’s okay to be trans
• What do you want?

The last thing is the hardest. And you can only know this if you play around. If you want to figure out if you are trans femm, or non-binary or cis-male or anything else, you need to play around with your gender expression and find similar people. See what fits you, see what makes you happy. Try different pronouns, try makeup etc., seek out other queer people, they will always accept gender questioning people, or maybe join a kink meetup.

And if you just find out, that these things make you really horny but you don’t want this in your day to day life, that’s totally fine. And if you find out that you want to start hormones that’s also okay. And if you are on hormones and want to stop that’s also okay. Don’t ask yourself “am I really trans?”, ask what you want. Do I want to be perceived as woman (or non-binary person)? Or something else? Hang in there, questioning your gender is super scary, but it will geht better.

And feel free to ask further questions :)

Hey I’m a trans female and find this exact experience with porn very relatable. Always imagined myself as the female, really got used to a few make porn stars for being in the scenes I like.

I personally an averse to hypno but I was also interested in “sissy” content at some point.

Have you tried looking at fashion? Fashion, or even cosplay content can bring me a similar “I wanna be her” type of urge that I get when watching porn.

I never even knew that transgender people even existed until I started watching porn as a young tween. I didn’t even find it by accident I purposely looked up “girl with penis” not having any idea what I would get, and I was quite enamored not long after the first image loaded.

It is entirely up to you to determine who you are. However we can share our stories and provide some knowledge. I think you would greatly benefit from reading the gender dysphoria bible. https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/

Um ok, first of all, the sexual fantasies, kinks, fetishes, attractions – that’s not gender. That has nothing to do with your gender.

“Sissy hypno” isn’t going to turn you into a girl, or teach you how to “think like a girl”. I don’t have a problem with it, in fact it can be fun sometimes, but it’s not really my thing.

Your gender is something you were born with, whether you acknowledge it, whether you even know it. It’s inside you, it’s who you are. As you seem confused about this, you are what I would call “questioning” or exploring your gender identity but haven’t come to a solid conclusion yet.

Gender is more complex than boy vs girl. A person can also be nonbinary gender: either a blend of boy and girl, or neither. If you are a boy, it doesn’t matter what you do or think, you will always be a boy. If you are a girl, it’s the same. Once that clicks into place, you will understand.

Gender is also different than having masculine or feminine traits or personality. Women can be masculine, and men can be feminine, it happens sometimes. But their genders don’t change.

Sexuality is similar, your orientation is something you’re born with. And it is far more complex than gay or straight. You could be bisexual, asexual, demisexual – there are many possibilities.

Porn isn’t reality, so until you are really with someone, you won’t know what you like. Trust me, it’s so different being with a real person. Sometimes you imagine you will feel one way, but in the moment it’s completely different.

I was a virgin and unkissed until age 32, so I kinda understand where you are. I think you may be struggling with guilt or shame over your gender and/or sexuality, which is confusing the situation. Remember it’s not about what others think, not family or friends or religion, you are who you are. If you are a straight man, that’s valid. If you are a gay man, or straight girl, or bisexual enby, that is also valid!

Don’t worry about who you are supposed to be. You wanna know what it’s like to dress like a girl, wear makeup, have a female name, use she/her pronouns? Try it! You might hate it, or you might like it. At some point you need to get out of your head, and discover who you really are :)

You are you!!

I dont think any outsider can ‘label’ you in the way you are asking, it’s honestly something you need to find on your own. Thankfully nowadays there are tonnes of resources for helping you. Be proud you are this aware of yourself already so far :)

Regardless of what you are, it’s important to realize that there’s nothing inherently wrong with it. It’s fine to be trans or gay, just like it’s fine to be straight or cis. It’s fine if it’s a fetish, and it’s fine if you’re trans. Just because you’re atypical, doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Cutting through the shame might help you understand yourself better.

When it comes to sissy hypno or “cock lust,” it could be a kink for feminization, but you could still be trans. Having a fetish and being trans are not mutually exclusive. When it comes to gender and sexuality, we can’t fully choose how we feel or what we want. Right now, you shouldn’t look for a reason behind why you want something. Instead, focus on what you want.

A big part of being trans is wanting to be another gender. If you want to be a woman and don’t want to be a man, then you’re a woman. If you don’t want to be male or female, you’re neither. If you want to be both male and female, you’re both. If you want to be a feminized man, or a woman with a penis, or both at the same time, you can be it. If you want to be a sissy in bed, but not actually date men outside of sex, then you could be bisexual and heteromantic. If you want to fuck fem, but live masc, it might be a fun kink.

A useful exercise is to consider what would feel worse: You being a cis guy with a fetish, or you being trans. Would you be disappointed that you’re a guy, or relieved that you’re a guy? Would you be sad if you were a girl, or happy?