Hello! I’m here 'cause i’m very, VERY confused about what i am. I’m 26, virgin, never even kissed. I have always thought i was (and maybe, deep down, still think) a straight guy, but now i don’t know anymore. Now i’m very very confused about my sexuality and masculinity.
I wanna say that i watch sissy hypno (porn videos that should brainwash you to become and think like a girl) since i was 16 years old. Now when i watch porn i always imagine to be the girl. I have used my mom’s clothes in the past (i don’t remember if i already started watching sissy hypno). I’m also in a particular situation down there: I think I’m so conditioned by sissy hypno, bbc, big cocks, porn etc that now i don’t properly “jerk off” anymore, 'cause now i always cum HANDSFREE (without touching myself), in my underwear and in my pants, just watching porn and imagining to be the girl… i literally wet myself. As i said before, i have always thought i was a straight guy, although i have become kind of “obsessed” with a particular porn actor (a male one), and he REALLY makes me doubt my sexuality a lot… I have also favourite female pornostars, but with them i’m never 100% sure WHY i like them so much… If it’s because i simply wanna have sex with them or 'cause i wanna be LIKE them.
I have tried to stop watching porn (my record is a month) but nothing changes. I always come back and i have always urges to be a girl. If i stop and i try to masturbate with pics of solo girls it’s “difficult” for me, 'cause it’s difficult to think about having sex with them, but i think things like “i wanna be her friend”/“I wanna dress up with/like her”/“I wanna take pics in front of the mirror with her”/“I wanna be like her” etc…
The problem is that i think i’m not a girl and that i’m not gay 'cause i think it’s just a fetish. If when i’m horny i imagine to be a girl, when i cum PNC (Post Nut Clarity) hits and i wanna be a guy again. It’s like having 2 different personalities. Also, i don’t think i’m gay 'cause okay, maybe i like cock, but JUST if it’s big and thick, otherwise no… It could exist the most beautiful man in the world, but if he does not have a big thick cock i won’t like him.
So yeah, that’s me… sorry if it’s too long and sorry for bad english but i’m not a native speaker.
What do you think i am? I need opinions and suggestions…
Hey there, first of all, calm down. Sexauality and Gender is weird and everyone has different experiences of their own gender kinks etc. Being into some kind of kink, like sissy hypno porn or transformation porn doesn’t make you trans, BUT a few trans femm people I’ve talked to, including myself have had similar experiences regarding our own sexuality.
Roughly two years ago when I was 23, I was in a similar place, where I suddenly realized that my kinks might be much more than kinks and it really confused and scared me. Because I had suppressed my own gender and sexuality and didn’t allow myself to experience attraction to other women, because it made me feel like a man, it all came crashing down for me when I started questioning things.
A really helpful Article I found explained a lot of my experiences, maybe it helps you as well: https://medium.com/@kemenatan/its-just-a-fetish-right-91cb0a4e261 What you need to know is the following:
The last thing is the hardest. And you can only know this if you play around. If you want to figure out if you are trans femm, or non-binary or cis-male or anything else, you need to play around with your gender expression and find similar people. See what fits you, see what makes you happy. Try different pronouns, try makeup etc., seek out other queer people, they will always accept gender questioning people, or maybe join a kink meetup.
And if you just find out, that these things make you really horny but you don’t want this in your day to day life, that’s totally fine. And if you find out that you want to start hormones that’s also okay. And if you are on hormones and want to stop that’s also okay. Don’t ask yourself “am I really trans?”, ask what you want. Do I want to be perceived as woman (or non-binary person)? Or something else? Hang in there, questioning your gender is super scary, but it will geht better.
And feel free to ask further questions :)