My wife yawned and dislocated her jaw. She had to go to hospital to get it fixed. Oh, the drooling…

Fell up the stairs. Had to visit a hospital, got a splint.

Wouldn’t say it was stupid in that it was the result of me doing anything stupid, but it definitely felt pretty stupid when I managed to get myself a 4 inch splinter from a wooden guardrail fully embedded in my leg in a hospital parking lot of all places. The best part was, because I was just a kid, and the hospital didn’t treat children, we had to drive to an entirely different hospital because of it.

What I’m about to tell you is the absolute true, I swear on my mom.

I was 13 and had just started being kinky and stuff. I had some porn DVDs, inherited from my father, after him and my mother broke up and I went to live with her.

Anyway, I was just discovering my body, and was home alone when I had the brilliant idea to ride my sofa arm, completely naked. I started simulating as if I was fucking it from above. One, two, three pumps and then boom. Something hurt.

I looked at my dick and it was bleeding a lot. Blood spilling on the ground immediately and I fucking freaked out. I was certain I would have to amputate, or at the very least be very ashamed at the hospital explaining how the fuck that happened.

I turned it around to look when I calmed down a bit and I had ripped my frenulum. It was wide open, the frenulum itself hanging and the part it was removed completely red, bloody, I could see inside.

I tried to cry, but couldn’t, I just had to solve it, and could tell nobody about it, which would probably be worse, I thought. I put some toilet paper and it eventually stopped bleeding and wasn’t hurting that much anymore.

Took a shower, it burned as I did it, put my underwear and went on to leave to school. As I was leaving my house, my mom is arriving. I had to tell her, I was worried something bad could happen. Told her “I cut my dick”. She asked, freaked out “WHAT? HOW? WHAT HAPPENED? DOES IT HURT?”. I shook it off, said it was okay now, but I was scared, she asked me to see it, I showed her, she said wtf, let’s go to the hospital, I said no, it doesn’t hurt anymore. I’ll go to school. She asked “how did that happen?” And I could only come up with “I was playing horse rider on the sofa but did it too quickly”. I doubt she believed that shit, but I carried on.

She kept asking me for days how it was, and it just kept healing. In the end, it healed completely, and glued back to the skin. It has a scar, but it probably just looks like a normal, uninjured frenulum, and I don’t really think had any bad consequences outside of showing my dick to my mom as a teenager.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Shotgunning beers down at a friend’s house, with a big ol hunting knife, like 8" long, real rambo thing.

Started getting really drunk, as one does. So I was getting a bit cocky, as one does.

Did a few cans with just a quick stab and twist, showing off like.

Soooooo…I stabbed myself in the hand pretty bad. Should have got stitches, but, as previously stated, drunk and cocky.

Looking back, I always did stupid things as a kid.

This one time, when I was 12, I ran over a hornet’s nest with my bicycle. It was in the middle of the road, and I noticed it way too late. The thing cracked open, I realized what was happening, and went full speed downhill.

I decided to do something extra stupid, and stood on the handlebars in an attempt to jump off. The bike flipped, I fell, and my arm dragged all the way down the street before the bike fell on top of me.

In hindsight, there may have been no hornet’s nest.

Running over a push broom with my riding mower, like stepping on a rake but much worse.

Trying to burn a spider on a clothing line with a lighter, and having melting plastic drip on my skin.

When I was a child I played a boardgame on my bed with my sibling. When I lost I let my self fall back in frustration and for dramatic effect. I thought I would just hit my mattress, instead I hit my bedframe with my head. Some screaming and bleeding later we went to the hospital for some stiches.

TLDR: played board game ended up in hospital

tried going down this stupid kiddie monkey slide at a local festival a few years ago- was wearing shorts, and didn’t slide but rather tumbled down. skinned my knee and have the scars to prove it still :)

In kindergarden, I started running around the class with a pair of scissors in my hand. Tripped and the blades went right between my right eyeball and my skull.

Somehow nothing important was damaged (just a lot of bleeding and a very frightened teacher). I still have 2 functioning eyes, and I never again ran holding sharp objects.

unconsciously fell down while trying to park a bike. Kinda very early morning 😴

I love running into stuff, for some reason. Recently ran into a lamp post while talking to the people at my side and not looking ahead. Also, missing door handles by just a bit and running into the door is a common thing.

Senior year of high school. I’d been losing weight for a couple of years and was now down to a point where athleticism of any kind was starting to be possible. I was late for gym class and didn’t feel like running a mile as punishment for tardiness, so I decided to take a shortcut by not going all the way down to the end of the road to get to the field.

I vividly recall thinking to myself, “I’ll just jump over that guardrail!”

My feet hooked the back of the guardrail, I flipped over it and landed hard. Broke my wrist.

Cutting tape and I managed to slice my finger

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