For me there’s a bit of a network effect where the polycule sprawls out into the distance. Partners have partners who have partners.
But for disconnected folks, it’s mostly been tinder (yuck), and a local meetup.
(Also this might be the first post? That or nothing federated yet)
Mostly just in dating apps. Maybe it helps that in in a relatively large city, but Tindr and Grindr usually have plenty of other poly people. FEELD seems pretty feared towards polyamory.
With feeld, as a guy who doesn’t date guys, I get about one match every 3 months. About 80% of them are immediate duds. 10% turn into dates like regular. And the last 10% immediately go to “let me show you my tits”.
It has been a weird experience.
The two successful dates I got from there were people that were very proficient as polyamory, though.
My poly friend just finds people on Tinder, says they’re poly, doesn’t expect the Tinder person to be poly, and goes from there.
Like they don’t look for poly people. They just find people, say “I’m poly btw”, and see if the person sticks
I do a lot of that, but sometimes giving people the poly 101 lessons is exhausting. It’s nice when you match with someone who already knows the ropes.
If it be apps you be using.
OkCupid has a decent Poly community.
FEELD seems tailored towards non-monogamy.
Maybe check around FetLife for some “munches” (vanilla social meet ups) and see if you gel with anyone.
I don’t know what happened on okcupid, but it is very quick to recommend me people in like Connecticut and Massachusetts. I live in NYC.
You can change your distance limit setting
I know. It’s set to 5 miles. I just checked. Five recommendations in and it recommended me someone in NJ. Double checked the map and that’s about 20 miles from here.
The distance limit seems more like a suggestion.
I recommend Feeld. Also Fetlife.
Nothing federated, there was another post earlier today.
Hmm, any suggestions from the community would be most gratefully accepted. I’m seeing it on the home (kbin.run) instance.
Users can’t see any posts on communities that predate someone on their home instance subbing that community.
Hunh, well what shall I do about that? On testing I se that if I search !polyamory from another instance, which apparently has not subbed(?) the https://kbin.run/m/Polyamory/ community, the search yields null. If I search polyamory from that same instance, i.e. lemmy.ml, then I get a list of communities, including https://kbin.run/m/Polyamory/. I’m puzzled, and clearly uninformed about how to resolve this issue. My apologies in advance, as I’ve apparently ‘jumped into the deep end’ by starting this community, but haven’t the skills, nor even the knowledge of where to find the skills to resolve this issue. Halp, ples!
It’s not anything you did wrong, just the way federation works on lemmy.
So does that mean, eventually it will federate? That someone on a given instance just needs to sub this community, first to make that link of ‘federation’, and then it will proceed? If so pretty nifty, really.
I think it doesn’t even require someone subbing the community for federation to begin. Simply doing a search for @Polyamory@kbin.run on another instance is enough to federate with that instance, on Mbin instances at least. Their instance will be missing any existing posts you have, but will receive all new posts. Same goes for searching for other Fediverse users and their content.
Congrats! You did well starting a community on Mbin. Also, thank you for boosting my pretty niche post today. I was curious and browsed your profile a little bit and found your call for halp. Poly only works when everyone is open with each other and communicates these things.
I liked the title, so poetic by itself. I took a closer look at the image. Floating is lovely.
There are many ways, in my experience, for human relations to work, and the communication can come in many varied modes and media. It’s what fascinates me about our species, and the other species we surround ourselves with, the shear variety of communication.
Only new items will federate. This prevents instances from getting swamped with the entire history of a new muni every time. Not perfect, but it works well enough.
Understood. Hence the option of viewing a community at it’s home instance.
I kind of struggle with this. Feeld has really been the only positive source of ENM connections in general, platonically and romantically, which is kind of what I’m looking for rn. I recently moved and I wanna build friends and a support network, but Feeld not exactly designed for general connections, it’s very slow.
I found a local meetup just recently, I guess my hope is that will help!
So I suppose my suggestion is try feeld if you haven’t already. It’s got a lot of great people in my experience but it’s very buggy
Various caveats apply, ymmv, etc. There is a significant overlap between Poly, and pagans, furries, kink, leather, gamers, programmers, queer folx in my experience. I suspect others could add more demographics to the list. I’ve found that going to pagan gatherings has been a good way for me to meet like minded people, which can evolve towards relationships of various sorts. I’m not much one for dating apps, I could tell you a few, short, unsuccess-filled experiences. But that’s me, and I’m sure if I put some more energy into it, other results would accrue.
FetLife.com there are poly meetups there on the events page.
