Can’t believe lemmy already has volume enough for this level of shitposting 🥲

Lemmy’s first inside joke, I’m so proud

Edit: Link for the uninitiated

We did it boys! New low-effort meta shitpost any% world record!!!

Oh wow, a topic for which I’m somewhat of an expert.

Get a box of cornbread mix. Dump it in a bowl. Add milk. Stir and then consume with a spoon. If you want some violence to your shits then mix a considerable amount of crushed red pepper before the milk while it’s still a dry powder. The milk will help dull the impact of the CRP as you’re eating it but not as it’s passing, and passing fast.

With this method you should be able to make a load of poop that floats a bit and will pile up above the water line, significantly increasing the stench you leave in the bathroom.

The amateur enhancement is to also slam down a number of Fibercon tablets, but if you want to amp this up to pro-level defecation then go look in the supplements section for some stuff called “chitosan”. It’s like ground up shrimp and crustacean shell, and it bonds to fats so instead of being absorbed they pass through you. That plus a bunch of fatty stuff from other suggestions you’ll be receiving will take your adventure to the next level. This plus swapping in heavy whipping cream for the cornbread concoction then you’ll probably have bowel movements so horrible you’ll have to register them with some kind of government agency.

Good luck and may your toilet paper be the good stuff.

Is this the first lemmy meme? Send this shit to archive.org

This is the high quality content I come here for.

And a new lemmy/kbin specific meme is born. O glorious day!

Stage 1:

• 3 bunches of bananas, 2 lbs cooked rice, 1 loaf of white bread (toasted)

Stage 2:

• 1 gallon of liquid laxative
• 1 gallon of franks red hot
• a 3 gallon bucket
• a ladle

consume stage 1 & wait 3 hours. consume stage 2. repeat as necessary

Mmh i like opposite posting

I have a good option here: Dairy.

Basically, your body can only produce so much Lactase (the thing that breaks down Lactose) at a time. Lactose intolerant people barely produce any Lactase, which is why eating a tiny bit of cheese is OK for them, but they’ll explosively shit themselves if they have a glass of milk.

Anyways, you have a lactase limit, time to find it. An added bonus of this strategy is that your options are a bit more varied: You can load up on cheeses, milkshakes, cream puffs, cheesecake. Regular old milk has the most lactose though, so if you want to shit yourself plentifully and violently, bring a ton of that (and whatever other foods you want, the milk will do the work here). Just don’t try and chug a whole gallon of milk in under 20 minutes, you’ll vomit because it will dilute your stomach acid until instead of digesting it, it’ll curdle in your stomach.

So uhh, step one: get cholera (it lives on shellfish, and plankton do with this what you will, lick some shells or something)
Step two: ingest cholera
Step three: try not to die

Google colonoscopy prep

I was here for the first lemmy meme

Literal shit posting.

Habanero protein shakes with extra coconut oil.