I have a job in software development, and I enjoy the work I do, my coworkers, and the pay is quite good. However, management keeps the work environment very… unsympathetic. Despite it being a programming job it’s very strict on working in office, and there’s a vibe of everyone just being a mistake or two away from being fired. This came to a head for me when I had a child recently and when my spouse was a couple weeks from her due date she started struggling to get out of bed to use the restroom or get food. However, when I requested to work from home so I could just briefly help her out a couple times a day (a frequency and duration of break which is totally fine in the office), I was made to start my paternity leave early.
I worry about coming across as out of touch, since having paternity leave at all makes me super fortunate, but it feels absolutely terrible having to give that time up and spend it without my kid because of my company’s resoluteness on this matter. (Side note: they’ve explained it to me as not wanting to make exceptions / “play favorites”, while not acknowledging that they themselves can just make the rule that you can be remote at will, when your spouse needs help, etc.) It’s enough for me to start looking at other opportunities when I am able, but I’m back at work without any bites. I just wish to work someplace that feels like it cares about its employees more. But man, job hunts are just so draining, and since my salary expectations are quite a bit higher than they were when I first got this job, the hunt hasn’t actually gotten any easier from me having professional experience. I just want somewhere I can work remote so I can spend more time with my kids, and as a pie in the sky optional requirement I want a democratic workplace, where I can more realistically expect business decisions to be in the employees’ best interests. But the very very few of those that exist are not really looking for new members, and with the kid already here I can’t take a risk on starting a new co-op that could take months to years to become financially solvent, if ever.
Realistically I can just keep working here which I realize puts me in a much more fortunate position than so many fellow humans, but I can feel the stress increase as the employees continue to get spread thinner and thinner, while the company’s massive success YOY does not proportionally scale to our own benefits or salaries increasing, and the parental leave incident has just left an incredibly sour taste in my mouth. I’m just not sure what to do.
having paternity leave at all makes me super fortunate
This sentence really makes me feel how dystopian working in the US is like
Its fucked. I basically got 2 weeks off for the birth of my first kid.
I live in the EU but it’s the same here, two weeks to be a full time parent to your new born baby that will arguably need more attention after two weeks. Being a wage slave can’t be interrupted by petty excuses like having a child. Hmm, I wonder why we have dysfunctional families and societal problems under capitalism…
Yeah its insane, and I work in public education (not an educator), which you would think would be better, but its not.
They made us return to office. Some people here are unable to return due to taking care of sick family members and were told that’s not an excuse and will be at threat of redundancy if it continues…
They literally want people to leave family members to suffer just to sit in an office? And if this makes people upset you get “leave home life at the door”.
The capitalists all need to die, there will not be a single exception
Honestly let’s take Florida and use the whole place as a prison for covid enjoyers. Anyone who’s advocated for a return to in-person, an end to mask mandates, anti-vaccine mandates, we’ll lock them on this god forsaken peninsula until they drown in their own lungs or the rising sea water.
Ever since i returned to the disease nexus I’ve gotten sick so many times. I have a newfound hatred of colleagues who come in to cough and splutter over everyone especially when they’re privileged enough to actually take sick time. Assholes. Me glaring at them does not seem to make them disolve into a puddle unfortunately
No one’s workplace cares for its employees
this. they hate us and want us to suffer, because our suffering = their profit
Death to America
because our suffering = their profit
Idk lately a lot of the time the suffering seems to cut into the profits but it’s just too important to let go of. Most companies that could feasibly switch to WFH made more money, because workers were more productive and it cut costs on office space.
The cruelty is the point. They’re even willing to take less profits to ensure the cruelty stays high.
The cruelty is the point. They’re even willing to take less profits to ensure the cruelty stays high.
That’s one (the only?) place capitalism is willing and able to think longer term. Sacrificing some immediate-term gains to keep their boot on the neck of the proletariat is in their interest, because making sure everyone stays desperate and afraid maximizes profits long-term. If people aren’t desperate and afraid, they might organize and start demanding better treatment, which would make line really go down.
I’ll be honest I don’t believe that, I don’t think it can be credited as a cruel but sane strategy given evil goals. It seems mostly counterproductive.
Investment that leads to improvements in quality of life, whether it’s infrastructure like public transit or behavioral like paid sick leave, typically lead to higher profits.
We know, demonstrably, that paying people to stay home when sick makes more sense economically. Not even on a larger society level, within one business. The costs you’ll have letting someone work sick and infect your other workers are higher than the costs of letting people stay home sick. I see no good reason to not pay sick leave besides deliberate cruelty solely for the sake of spite.
Yeah, I don’t think it’s correct or rational, but I think that’s the impetus (insofar as there’s any real thought behind it). You’re probably right that there’s an element of cruelty for cruelty’s sake in there too, because capitalism is an inherently cruel and inhumane system. Still, though, I think there’s some sense that if we let people get at all comfortable, they’ll start demanding even more concessions. This seems especially prevalent after the COVID stuff: big capital saw that even just a few months of some workers being allowed to be home, the government covering some income, and generally the pointless immiseration slightly loosening up (or at least changing forms) almost brought the whole thing crashing down. People saw that living better, more fulfilling, less pointless lives was possible and started to question why we can’t always live like that. That’s dangerous. If you let someone work from home for a month while their partner is heavily pregnant and nothing really changes, why can’t they work from home more? If the government can help people who have lost their jobs until they find new jobs once, why not always? Why not just demand better conditions and threaten to quit if you can’t get them, then expect the government to keep you from starving?
That kind of thinking is an existential threat to big capital. It’s absolutely essential that most workers feel a sense of total precarity, to the point where they always believe they’re lucky to be in whatever shitty circumstances they find themselves in. The fact that in the very long term happy workers are more productive (and thus more profitable) workers can’t be admitted, because doing so runs the risk of leveling the playing field even slightly.
Rip sounds like Amazon or some unprofitable hypergrowth multi-billion dollar SV company
If you’re in the US, taking care of your spouse is covered under FMLA. You can take up to 3 months off and they can’t fire you. If you’re in certain states (WA, CA, etc.) or your company has a benefit for it, you can even get paid up to 100%
I’m not sure how the FMLA slipped my mind. I’ll have to discuss this with the SO to determine how long we can handle being unpaid. Thank you so much.
We’re actually the size of a startup
I really hate to be the likely bearer of bad news, but the federal FMLA only applies to companies with 500 or more employees :(
Double check if your state pays you during FMLA or if your company has a benefit for short term leave pay! If you’re in the US, there’s 6 states that do pay
FMLA isn’t going to get you exactly what you want, I’ve been there. You can take the time, unpaid, or burn your PTO if you want to get paid. You can’t take the time off paid and still retain PTO. If you are stable enough to take the pay hit i guess its an option. I wasnt at the time, so I had to eat the PTO.
Its up to your employer how the days are burned, so its always a stacked deck. I had 60 sick days when my first kid was born but couldn’t use any of them. I got two weeks off paid for the birth of my kid.
I’m still supper pissed about it, and its been 3 years. FMLA is not a replacement for a proper parental leave policy. (Not implying you think it is)
I have friends in Seattle that got 100% pay during FMLA and I’ve taken 2 weeks of FMLA before with 100% pay + continued equity vesting, both of us no PTO used. It’s highly dependent on state to state and company specific benefits. Please don’t discourage OP from properly investigating their situation
https://paidleave.wa.gov/about-us/
There’s 6 states that pay during FMLA
Not trying to be discouraging, just realistic. Its not going to give you exactly what you want. If your employer has a parental leave policy, awesome, you’re doing better then 99.9% of American workers. If your state has a paid leave policy, also great, better then most states. My states policy doesn’t include public sector workers. So if you work in schools, at the state, or in a municipality, you have no paid leave.
So look into it in detail, but keep your expectations low.
Unhelpful doomer brain. One will always give up too quickly and easily if they expect nothing
Hope for the best but prepare for the worst
Its the advice I would have wanted at the time so I could spend more time being present at the hospital instead of in a protracted back and forth with HR about my interpretation of the law vs theirs.
Its not doomer brained to set realistic expectations and not get to emotionally invested. I did hope for the best at the time and wasnt prepared for the worst. So consider this my warning that its probably worse then you think, even if you’ve read the law and think you understand it.
Can you try to unionize? With management this shitty there’s no way you’re the only person that’s pissed, you have a good shot unless your colleagues are bazinga brained
We’re actually the size of a startup, where you’d think each one of us would be important enough to have some level of job security. But the CEO will just as quickly get rid of someone who just moved here for this job a few months ago as someone who has been with the company since before it was even successful. If even 2 people acted collectively it should be an insane amount of negotiation power, but I honestly don’t trust the CEO to be affected by that at all.
there’s an easy truth for every worker: no matter what crumbs they give you, you deserve more. if your coworkers are feeling the same way, even if they’re gripped by the usual brogrammer false consciousness, it might be a situation ripe for organizing.
hope you and your family are well, comrade.
job hunts are draining. how about recruiters though? you’re in an industry that’s crawling with them. be firm on your requirements and tell them not to bother you with anything that doesn’t match your must-haves
The recruiters are hurting badly now.
how so?
Good jobs aren’t really out there right now.
Yeah that’s how it feels. Its why I’m going back to school
Lots of friends/colleagues have the same idea. Head down, let this stupid labor market pick back up and enter with additional credentials.
Do we work at the same company? The rule here is be in the office three days a week. I have coworkers having family emergencies on the other side of the world forced to use their PTO because they’re not in office. Meanwhile they’re online working with a 13 hour time difference so they can be with their hospitalized parents. Like look at what they’re sacrificing already for the company.
