And fix a leaky faucet? Yeah, Rebecca, I see you preaching independence while secretly swiping right on every bearded dude who looks like he could chop wood with one hand and carry you with the other.

Let’s get real. All your “strong, independent woman” talk goes out the window when faced with a man who’s got muscles, a steady job, and a take-charge attitude. You want a guy who’ll cry during “The Notebook”? Nah, deep down, you crave a man who’ll toss that crap aside, tell you to get a grip, and then proceed to fix your entire life while you pretend to be “empowered.”

You can keep your empowerment slogans and safe spaces. The truth is, behind that you’re dreaming of a guy who doesn’t give a damn about your feminist rants, a guy who can actually provide and protect. Yeah, you heard me. You can have your brunches and yoga sessions, but when the chips are down, you’re salivating for a man who’ll take charge, take care of business, and take you to bed like a damn boss.

So go on, keep shouting about equality while secretly hoping your next boyfriend is a lumberjack who won’t ask permission to take control. Cheers to your hilarious Contradiction