edit: I am a man and the only man in this scenario
This happened some time ago. I was driving and stopped on a gas station. probably for coffee and had to go pee. I saw a long queue of around fifteen to twenty exclusively 30-something girls, definitely bit older than me. They probably were a sports team, since there was a hired couch bus waiting outside and they were mostly wearing sweats. There were separate stalls for men and women (one each), so I went for the men’s room. It turned out locked, so I stood just outside it. One of the girls in the queue said that the back of the queue is “back there”. I replied “sure, but I’m going to the men’s room”, understandably assuming they were queueing for the ladies room. To which she said “yeah but there’s one queue for both”. I am familiar with the concept of shared queues, but mostly from supermarkets or post office, where you would queue for several checkouts and just go to the first one that is free. Never encountered shared queues for gender-separated toilets, so I said “but the toilets are separate, I’m going to the men’s room and you can queue for the ladies room” and simply went in without any more protest from them when the men’s room emptied (and it was another girl in there).
Were I the asshole?
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NTAH. If they had told you they were using the men’s stall as well, then maybe. It sounds like they didn’t do a good job at explaining the situation.
to be fair I did understand the situation when she said there’s shared queue, but just assumed since the stall I wanted to go to was designated for men, then me going in before them would be in accordance to generally accepted social cohabitation rules. similarly, disabled parking spots by law should always be left available for disabled drivers, but it’s commonly accepted that everyone can leave their car there AS LONG AS they will be able to free the spot the very moment a disabled person drives up to it (so preferably without even leaving the vehicle)
I get your reasoning, however it should be said that bathroom planning for women has long been sexist/ignorant - usually there are way too few stalls for women. Since they can’t use urinals, e.g., they just need more than men. There are studies that have shown that
Oh yeah, that I have no doubt about. I don’t quite see how this applies to my particular situation though
One queue for both toilets? That makes zero sense
The restrooms are each operating at capacity. How doesn’t it make sense?
Someone leaves the mens toilet, making a space free.
10 women are queuing in front of you. Its one queue.
You now have to wait for the 10 in front of you until you can use the mens toilet?
As a brit I am a master at queuing as the stereotype goes /s
edit - getting downvoted, so someone explain what I am missing here.
If the women are not using the mens toilet, why do those waiting for the mens toilet have to queue with the women waiting for the womens toilet? Or is OP actually stating the toilets are not separated by gender?
The women were using the men’s toilet as well.
I mean it does make sense when there’s only one gender present to use them
The post doesn’t say, but I assume you are a man? Lol
You’re both right I didn’t specify that and that I in fact am
Oh shit that changes everything. I assumed you were a woman and thought you were such an asshole. I was so confused by everyone here. I am in general annoyed by women using the men’s room since I’d get the cops called on me if I used the women’s room. Yeah not an asshole.
This was a good one, thanks for bringing it up
You’re welcome?
NTA. They might have decided to take over both toilets, it was a shitty move on their part and they can fuck off. This is a gas station, not their sports locker.
No of course not. They are the assholes for using the men’s room
YTA. It’s a penury situation. And you’re enforcing a privilege.
Fortunately foe you women are used to this, which is why they didn’t complain after you ignored them.
what sort of privilege were I enforcing?
The privilege of taking a restroom for yourself while everyone is waiting for its turn. When you have a right that other people don’t have, it’s a privilege.
wouldn’t you say then that the girls were enforcing the privilage of using men’s toilet due to no men at the station (before I arrived)?
That’s not what a privilege is.
what do you mean? they used the men’s toilet because there were no men around — therefore they acted on the privilege of being exclusively females
No. That’s not what privilege means. I’m not a native English speaker so I won’t make you the offense of teaching you what it means.
neither am I
I mostly kidding. I just like to try and justify silly things.
But honestly, if someone told me to get to the back of the line, I absolutely would not have. But I personally would have noticed the queue in the first place, and not gone to the front.
Do you ever use a handicapped stall? Would you allow a handicapped person in front of you in the queue?
You’ll say yes, “because they have special needs”. But that’s an inappropriate judgement. Many don’t. But you’d still let them ahead, right? Why?
Because we’re a society of rules and customs. There are times that it’s important to break those rules and make a point to use your privilege to stand up to power. That time is not in a random queue where power isn’t even watching. If anything, he should have gone afterwards to complain that the restrooms aren’t gender neutral. But going to the back of the queue would just be performative nonsense and change nothing. It would be white knighting to make the ladies feel better about their oh-so-poor existence.
Tip your fedora and move on son.
It’s not about fighting for any cause. It’s about not making the world a shitty place. Every time you act like a selfish asshole, you make the world a shittier place. That’s all there is.
The gendered restrooms is about comfort. But at some point, comfort get in the way, so you scrap the useless rules.
I have been in handicapped restroom. I never had a case of a handicapped guy bypassing the queue for it, but if there was a big queue and he would do it, he would be an asshole.
You can be selfish and individualistic, or you can try to not be an asshole.
Forcing a handicapped person, who might have significantly different and more urgent needs than the rest of us, to wait on the queue is making the world shittier. So if that’s your metric, work on that.
“might have significantly different and more urgent needs”… You know, a specific situation can always be dealt with specific solutions. Where I live we’re civilized people, we can discuss these things. Like you could also talk about a wounded person or a pregnant woman.
But unless specified, a handicapped person is a normal person that can wait in the queue like everyone.
Or it can be like so many people here: an asshole that will enforce its privilege to the expanse of everyone else.
Uh… Yeah… The door opened and it was another girl in there proving they were in fact all in line for both. You cut in line.
In this case, if he did get in line and when he was in front of the line, would it be acceptable for him to use the women’s stall if the men’s was occupied? I suspect that would not go without objection, but I could be assuming wrong. That would be pretty unfair if they were using the men’s.
but it was marked “men’s toilet”, they clearly decided to use both in order to save time spent on the gas station
The signage obsession feels crazy to me. There must be a cultural difference where signage supersedes reality. I mean you cut in line to save time at the gas station. I resign myself to not understanding at all, especially with most voices supporting you at the moment.
To me this situation is analogous to priority seats in public transport. You can use them freely as long there’s no pregnant women, elderly, or disabled around, then you have to give up the seat to them.
Me peeing before them delayed their departure by one minute. If I had to queue with all of them then my own departure would be delayed by 20 minutes
Edit: don’t get me wrong, one should give up their seat to pregnant, disabled or elderly regardless of it being marked priority or not, but they do still get marked that way
My understanding of proper procedure is that men can deal with the intrusion because they are less likely to have complications from holding it, can find a place to pee anywhere, and that an athletic team may have been on the road for hours before having a chance to use any bathroom. A female bus load will take over both bathrooms and a male bus load will have men scattered everywhere finding a safe place to pee in public or a different bathroom.
again, there was one of me
Defo a cultural difference then, because where I am from that would definitely be a yta moment and someone might even ask if you were about to pee yourself.
would you ask a pregnant lady whether she is about to give birth if she wanted to cut the line at a priority queue? because I wouldn’t. in fact, I would just let her in on sight and I would even feel ASHAMED if she had to ask.
also, had the roles inverted and it was I who wanted to go to ladies room so as to not queue to the men’s room, would you find that okay then? because if I were desperate then perhaps I could consider that, but definitely make sure I wouldn’t be inconveniencing any woman beforehand.
Don’t know where you are from but I would say it’s a very misandrist place. Men can also have issues from holding in bathroom needs.
I have no obsession of signage, but my understanding is the signage is there to control the flow of persons.
No the women are using a bathroom not designated for them. Garuntee you if the situation was reversed and 10 men were in line and these girls came up and found a guy using the womens restroom they would flip out.
Except the situation will usually not be reversed. You’re acting like men and women are equals on this. They are not.
I understand that. Where I live men are expected to tolerate the intrusion because they don’t get uti’s or have periods.
So the double standard is only a problem when it doesn’t benefit them. Mkay. Also men absolutely get UTIs no idea why you think they can’t.
Yikers. The “us vs them” feel to this comment really clears up why people on the internet hate what I have to say about “Gas Station Bathroom Etiquette When a Bus Load of Specifically Women Need to Pee in Rural United States.”
Yikes. The emotional manipulation and deflection in lieu of critical thinking, addressing counter points, and arguing in good faith is real with this comment. Super-duper extra yikes.
There is nothing us vs them here. It’s equality, and equal treatment at all times. What you’re proposing is a double standard, which is not everyone being treated equal.
and it was another girl in there
How do you know which gender they identified as while using the bathroom?
