To be fair, I’m not aware of any fediverse instances or other reddit alternatives that even have an appeals process. Reddit might be throwing away its best features, but it is a feature its competitors don’t even have yet.
And get re-banned if you post on the first instance from the remote. You can still be kicked out of communities because of misunderstandings and power tripping admins.
That was possible on Reddit too. Every single sub with overbearing mods could have been replaced at any time with an alternative. A bunch of alternatives tried to get off the ground, some succeeded more than others, but most never overcame the original, if they ever picked up at all.
It’ll be the same way here. If the community doesn’t leave the original home because they’re “settled there”, alternatives will not grow.
This entire migration from Reddit should make it it very, very plain how utterly impossible it is to get large groups of users to move. Reddit is all but whipping them with jumper cables right now and they’re still using it.
You can’t just expect communities to move because the admins suck. You have to actually attract them there.
Not really. Reddit is a single platform, you get the same overbearing comment-editing admins, with the same tunnel-vision automod tools and black-hole recurse process no matter what new sub you make.
Moving people off a platform is the hardest part, they need to learn new tools an ways of doing things… and TL;DR you lost them.
On lemmy and the fediverse, leaving unwelcoming mods/admins behind is as easy as going to another instance, no need to change the ways of using it. Still need to attract that community, but it’s orders of magnitude easier on a federated platform.
Yeah, I haven’t used Lemmy in a month because this site is more transphobic than Reddit. I’ll be here more now that Reddit isn’t an option, but it’s not like I think this place is good either. Lemmy needs to step up its game.
I haven’t used Lemmy in a month because this site is more transphobic than Reddit.
Well that’s very disappointing if true. Could you give an example?
Btw, just to be clear-- Lemmy isn’t “one site,” so you’re likely to get a wide range of reactions depending on issue/cause where you happen to be (communities, instances).
Look at my sub c/chaotesvspatriarchy. I created it on Reddit, moved it to Lemmy during the protests, and gave up on it after a while because lemmy.world users would see trans memes and downvote.
c/twoxchromosomes@slrpnk.net is also an absolute terf magnet that I tried to get shut down
Why would you go back to a community you don’t agree with? There is a reason there are like 20+ “cats” communities on so many different instances; you can pick a different one, or start one yourself (and be the mod you want), or even a whole instance (and be the admin you want).
Sometimes some of the users are nice and you want to hang with them. Sometimes it’s just a misunderstanding. Sometimes you have a political motivation and are motivated not by self-interest to hang with cool people, but by a moral duty to make the world a better place
Create a community and invite over the nice users? If it’s just a misunderstanding, try talking it out with the mods? If you have a political motivation… sorry, can’t help you there, most online forums are not the place to run a campaign that doesn’t align with the nod’s views, there is no free speech protection on non-government property.
Yeah, but that doesn’t matter when the rules of dbzer0 prohibit prosocial behaviour. It’s against the instance rules to insult someone for being a nazi.
Hang on, you think dbzer0 is Ableist, I really don’t see how since he basically just explained that the rules aren’t black and white and that it’s a case by case basis. Nor how the users or dbzer0 itself is fascist by your opinion. I like to give people a chance but you must understand this seems very baity and kind of like trolling.
Yeah I’m 100% certain you are a troll who provides very little value to this platform.
Lol this is the person who was trying to argue the other day that narcissism was a disability that should provoke sympathy, rather than a negative trait that should be called out and worked on. So according to that logic, we should we feel sorry Donald Trump because of his narcissism now and not despise him, to use a topical example. I guess it’s subjective but I’d call that sort of argument a form of gaslighting. Like they’re saying, it’s not the narcissists who are the problem, it’s the people who don’t understand the narcissists who are the problem. Keep yelling into the wind buddy.
Donald Trump has not been diagnosed with NPD by a licensed psychiatrist who had an interview with him. That is the requirement to say that a person has NPD. Currently, there is no clinically valid evidence that Trump is a narcissist. To say otherwise would be medical malpractice.
I made a meme about that thread and posted it to !autism. Many autistic people agreed that dbzer0’s behaviour is a common problem faced by autistic people.
Honestly, I don’t think a message board has to have one. If a mod is powertripping, then why would you want to be a part of the community? If they’re not, then you’re probably not a good fit for the community and the mod doesn’t have to deal with trolls and angry back-and-forth’s.
That isn’t to say what Reddit did isn’t wrong. They established that system and they have a culture of appeals. Suddenly removing that isn’t really fair from a “social contract” or whatever perspective.
To make sure nonsensical posts, for example from tankies, get countered.
Why are any of us entitled to that though? If they don’t want us around then they can show us the door. To use (at least to me) a better example: why should LGBT communities have to allow people to debate them on whether or not it’s a choice? If they don’t want to, they shouldn’t have to. They may just want a corner to be together and chat.
We aren’t entitled to a debate if people don’t want to participate you know?
For one thing this is why echo chambers are dangerous. They have real world implications. For another though, there’s a difference between a debate and downright trolling or inciting behavior regardless of topic. Conflating the two is kind of disingenuous.
And if you don’t want to debate you don’t put that information on a public forum because debate is literally a baked in feature of public forums. That part of the reason they exist. You’re putting something out into public. It doesn’t just belong to you anymore/doesn’t just affect you anymore. That’s literally the basis for a lot of civil rights laws and why you can’t yell fire in a crowded theater.
You can’t just say a stereotype or something racist in public. What should in theory be happening is people of the LGBTQ should have the same protections under the law (anti-discrimination) as other protected groups get.
If the community is founded on that as a rule (no discrimination) and the comment is in violation that’s one thing. Ban people. Do what you need to to follow the rules, enforce the rule, and protect the community. But at the same time discourse in a community isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Do you not want nonsensical posts on your LGBTQ communities about “gay frog water” or whatever to face discourse? Do you not want people in the community to counter anyone bold enough to claim that as fact?
I’m not conflating so much as saying the line between them can be incredibly thin and hard to find. Additionally, some people are ignorant/hard headed/saying horrible things but they’re also completely unaware of the issue so where do you say “that’s enough”? Some people also hide behind rules and weaponize speech so they can use it as cudgel to cause issues in a community. It is exhausting dealing with these people sometimes and some communities just don’t want to, which I think is their prerogative!
I get why my stance is getting pushback. I just think ultimately it’s up to a community how much they want to deal with friction. Some people don’t. That’s fine!
Communities can be built to be insular and require things of their members that would allow for what you seem to want but that involves a time investment to vet users and essentially make the community read only for people who aren’t members. That comes with a whole host of other problems but it is doable.
Protest is a fundamental part of a functioning government, a functioning society, and a functioning community. I’ve been a mod on queer forums, and I always gave people a way to argue their case so long as they were engaging in respectful debate. I would tell people the boundaries and make sure they followed them. For example, if someone wants to say I’m not really nonbinary, I’ll argue the point with them because it’s my duty as a community leader, but I will establish they must gender me correctly and not use slurs for the duration of the debate, even if they disagree. They’re welcome to make their disagreement while respecting me, and usually they couldn’t manage that balance and I banned them. They would run out of patience before I did. It is absolutely essential that community moderators have an abundance of patience.
But not everyone wants to mod that community and not every community wants that debate to be happening. I am very grateful for your work and I have run communities that encourage discussion as well, but it’s not really a moral imperative or legal requirement or anything. Every community has its own culture, tone, rules, expectations, etc.
Again, I think it’s great that you run a community that operates like that and I think those discussions are very important and good for our society. Thank you for doing it, truly. But not every single Internet community has to allow extensive debate.
You and I have very different ideas about the moral responsibilities of people in authority. I think it’s essential that leaders be held to a higher standard in all cases.
I guess, it’s all good. I just feel like if I ran a PTSD board I shouldn’t have to allow folks who deliberately trigger people under the guise of debate and such because they “follow the rules.” I’m not saying that you would allow that, I just think that is much more at the forefront for me. I really do respect your position and I’m glad we have you running communities.
Oh yeah I don’t allow that sort of thing. I let people be harder on me as a leader than I’d let them be to people I’m responsible for protecting. If I’m to be worthy of power within a community then I have to be willing and able to advocate for the community. That means taking zero tolerance towards attacks on others, and embodying the community’s best values to the face of those who disagree. I always give troublemakers clear requirements for remaining in the community if that’s what they want. Protest is essential to social health, but it must be done without hate, and it’s better for animosity to be directed towards leaders than members.
It doesn’t have to have a fair appeals policy, but an instance that has an appeals policy is one that you would probably want to join more. So an instance should have a fair appeals policy, because that’s what the users who use the instance want - assuming the instance wants users.
As for what reddit did, there’s a lot of pulling the rug out that you’re casually ignoring. Reddit is what it is because of the users that contributed to it. In spite of Huffman talking about “their dataset”, they don’t actually own the data - it belongs to the users, reddit merely has a license.
Now, reddit is trying to change the rules - as a user, you’re no longer in charge of the subreddit you created and became moderator of anymore, you’re expected to serve “will of the users” (as defined by reddit admin), the users you attracted to the house you built. Reddit was founded on the idea “if you don’t like it, make your own space, and users will flock towards the better one”.
Reddit changed the moderator code of conduct. And yet, if you strictly apply the moderator code of conduct as they sometimes do, it completely undermines many of the bans that reddit admin also enforce. They’re hypocrits, now all they want is to exploit everyone that put them where they are.
If a mod is powertripping, then why would you want to be a part of the community?
Because the size of a community matters, and they’re not fungible. Back on reddit, my city’s subreddit was run by power-tripping mods. Sure, I could try to create an alternative – and somebody actually did – but it had multiple orders of magnitudes fewer users than the original sub and almost nobody would actually see what you posted there, so what’s the fucking point?
The entire reason I wanted to comment in the original sub was to try to politically persuade and influence people in my city. Censoring me from that sub was extremely effective even if alternatives theoretically existed.
Well, I don’t use Reddit anymore – it has joined the list of oligarch-owned shit that I’m boycotting (along with Facebook and Twitter). And yes, I do participate in local politics IRL.
But that still doesn’t invalidate what I wrote. The fact is that these platforms have too much fucking power as de-facto replacements for the public forum, and whether you refuse to use them or you get kicked out from them, it marginalizes you in a very real way that affects the real world. That’s a problem even if the possibility exists to go commune with other rejects on a platform the majority don’t give a shit about.
Not to mention, if I had a nickel for every real-world event hosted by a real-world local government, community, or activist organization that I missed because it was only advertised on Facebook, I’d have a big pile of nickels.
Oh I completely agree these platforms have too much power. Zero argument here. I’m just saying on an individual basis you have other options. But yeah i get what you’re saying
I got a temp ban for ‘trolling’ here on .world a few weeks back. Literally no notice at all. Had to go to the discord and ask. They instantly reversed it because they could tell I hadn’t been trolling.
Well in this case, my best guess is I’ve been banned because I contacted a mod team that doesn’t want to hear from me. Problem is, they’re leaking sensitive chats from back when I was a mod and using them to attack me on other platforms. I asked them to stop. I’m a victim of harassment, but they probably reported me and the Reddit employees don’t care enough about doing their jobs to investigate. I’ve been in situations like this before, and I was able to resolve it through the appeals process. But that’s not going to happen if they don’t tell me precisely why I’ve been banned or let me appeal it.
they’re leaking sensitive chats from back when I was a mod and using them to attack me on other platforms. I asked them to stop. I’m a victim of harassment, but they probably reported me and the Reddit employees don’t care
A surefire way to make a company care, is to sue them. Just saying.
The law doesn’t exist to protect people, it exists to protect capital. If you’re expecting to law to help trans people deal with abuse, you’re looking up the wrong tree.
Most instances have some way of contacting the admins and talking things out. Unlike Reddit’s “did anyone even read this?” process, they tend to be actual people who actually answer.
No, they don’t. You can’t contact the admins from an account you can’t log into, and you can’t log into a suspended account. Also, your PMs won’t be seen by any user native to a remote instance you’ve been banned from, including admins.
First, there is email, discord, element, etc. Check your instance for contact options, they usually have some. Second, you can use an alt account from anywhere in the fediverse to PM people. If you’re honest about it, you can find a way.
Or… if you know you broke the rules and plan on doing it again, just move onto some other instance more accepting of your profile, there are 1000+ ones to choose from.
To be fair, I’m not aware of any fediverse instances or other reddit alternatives that even have an appeals process. Reddit might be throwing away its best features, but it is a feature its competitors don’t even have yet.
On the Fediverse, you can go to a different instance.
And get re-banned if you post on the first instance from the remote. You can still be kicked out of communities because of misunderstandings and power tripping admins.
Every online community I’ve ever seen has it’s fieflords.
At least with lemmy, if mods / admins regularly over-step, alternative communities can easily replace them.
That was possible on Reddit too. Every single sub with overbearing mods could have been replaced at any time with an alternative. A bunch of alternatives tried to get off the ground, some succeeded more than others, but most never overcame the original, if they ever picked up at all.
It’ll be the same way here. If the community doesn’t leave the original home because they’re “settled there”, alternatives will not grow.
This entire migration from Reddit should make it it very, very plain how utterly impossible it is to get large groups of users to move. Reddit is all but whipping them with jumper cables right now and they’re still using it.
You can’t just expect communities to move because the admins suck. You have to actually attract them there.
Not really. Reddit is a single platform, you get the same overbearing comment-editing admins, with the same tunnel-vision automod tools and black-hole recurse process no matter what new sub you make.
Moving people off a platform is the hardest part, they need to learn new tools an ways of doing things… and TL;DR you lost them.
On lemmy and the fediverse, leaving unwelcoming mods/admins behind is as easy as going to another instance, no need to change the ways of using it. Still need to attract that community, but it’s orders of magnitude easier on a federated platform.
A good point well made.
Yeah, I haven’t used Lemmy in a month because this site is more transphobic than Reddit. I’ll be here more now that Reddit isn’t an option, but it’s not like I think this place is good either. Lemmy needs to step up its game.
Well that’s very disappointing if true. Could you give an example?
Btw, just to be clear-- Lemmy isn’t “one site,” so you’re likely to get a wide range of reactions depending on issue/cause where you happen to be (communities, instances).
Look at my sub c/chaotesvspatriarchy. I created it on Reddit, moved it to Lemmy during the protests, and gave up on it after a while because lemmy.world users would see trans memes and downvote.
c/twoxchromosomes@slrpnk.net is also an absolute terf magnet that I tried to get shut down
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You are probably on a transphobic instance. Try to go on an LGBTQ+ instance, there are a lot of them. Example: https://lib.lgbt
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Why would you go back to a community you don’t agree with? There is a reason there are like 20+ “cats” communities on so many different instances; you can pick a different one, or start one yourself (and be the mod you want), or even a whole instance (and be the admin you want).
Sometimes some of the users are nice and you want to hang with them. Sometimes it’s just a misunderstanding. Sometimes you have a political motivation and are motivated not by self-interest to hang with cool people, but by a moral duty to make the world a better place
Create a community and invite over the nice users? If it’s just a misunderstanding, try talking it out with the mods? If you have a political motivation… sorry, can’t help you there, most online forums are not the place to run a campaign that doesn’t align with the nod’s views, there is no free speech protection on non-government property.
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Lemmy.dbzer0.com has an appeals matrix channel 😁
Hey db0, love your instance
Yeah, but that doesn’t matter when the rules of dbzer0 prohibit prosocial behaviour. It’s against the instance rules to insult someone for being a nazi.
Sorry I don’t think that’s exactly true
Removed by mod
Hang on, you think dbzer0 is Ableist, I really don’t see how since he basically just explained that the rules aren’t black and white and that it’s a case by case basis. Nor how the users or dbzer0 itself is fascist by your opinion.
I like to give people a chance but you must understand this seems very baity and kind of like trolling.Yeah I’m 100% certain you are a troll who provides very little value to this platform.
Lol this is the person who was trying to argue the other day that narcissism was a disability that should provoke sympathy, rather than a negative trait that should be called out and worked on. So according to that logic, we should we feel sorry Donald Trump because of his narcissism now and not despise him, to use a topical example. I guess it’s subjective but I’d call that sort of argument a form of gaslighting. Like they’re saying, it’s not the narcissists who are the problem, it’s the people who don’t understand the narcissists who are the problem. Keep yelling into the wind buddy.
Donald Trump has not been diagnosed with NPD by a licensed psychiatrist who had an interview with him. That is the requirement to say that a person has NPD. Currently, there is no clinically valid evidence that Trump is a narcissist. To say otherwise would be medical malpractice.
I made a meme about that thread and posted it to !autism. Many autistic people agreed that dbzer0’s behaviour is a common problem faced by autistic people.
https://lemmy.world/post/6622412
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aaand it was removed for being a post created in bad faith for the sake of this argument, as shown in the Modlog entry.
Honestly, I don’t think a message board has to have one. If a mod is powertripping, then why would you want to be a part of the community? If they’re not, then you’re probably not a good fit for the community and the mod doesn’t have to deal with trolls and angry back-and-forth’s.
That isn’t to say what Reddit did isn’t wrong. They established that system and they have a culture of appeals. Suddenly removing that isn’t really fair from a “social contract” or whatever perspective.
Example: To make sure nonsensical posts, for example from tankies, get countered.
Same example: I an not supposed to disrupt their little get-together-with-bullshit.
Why are any of us entitled to that though? If they don’t want us around then they can show us the door. To use (at least to me) a better example: why should LGBT communities have to allow people to debate them on whether or not it’s a choice? If they don’t want to, they shouldn’t have to. They may just want a corner to be together and chat.
We aren’t entitled to a debate if people don’t want to participate you know?
For one thing this is why echo chambers are dangerous. They have real world implications. For another though, there’s a difference between a debate and downright trolling or inciting behavior regardless of topic. Conflating the two is kind of disingenuous.
And if you don’t want to debate you don’t put that information on a public forum because debate is literally a baked in feature of public forums. That part of the reason they exist. You’re putting something out into public. It doesn’t just belong to you anymore/doesn’t just affect you anymore. That’s literally the basis for a lot of civil rights laws and why you can’t yell fire in a crowded theater.
You can’t just say a stereotype or something racist in public. What should in theory be happening is people of the LGBTQ should have the same protections under the law (anti-discrimination) as other protected groups get.
If the community is founded on that as a rule (no discrimination) and the comment is in violation that’s one thing. Ban people. Do what you need to to follow the rules, enforce the rule, and protect the community. But at the same time discourse in a community isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Do you not want nonsensical posts on your LGBTQ communities about “gay frog water” or whatever to face discourse? Do you not want people in the community to counter anyone bold enough to claim that as fact?
I’m not conflating so much as saying the line between them can be incredibly thin and hard to find. Additionally, some people are ignorant/hard headed/saying horrible things but they’re also completely unaware of the issue so where do you say “that’s enough”? Some people also hide behind rules and weaponize speech so they can use it as cudgel to cause issues in a community. It is exhausting dealing with these people sometimes and some communities just don’t want to, which I think is their prerogative!
I get why my stance is getting pushback. I just think ultimately it’s up to a community how much they want to deal with friction. Some people don’t. That’s fine!
Communities can be built to be insular and require things of their members that would allow for what you seem to want but that involves a time investment to vet users and essentially make the community read only for people who aren’t members. That comes with a whole host of other problems but it is doable.
Protest is a fundamental part of a functioning government, a functioning society, and a functioning community. I’ve been a mod on queer forums, and I always gave people a way to argue their case so long as they were engaging in respectful debate. I would tell people the boundaries and make sure they followed them. For example, if someone wants to say I’m not really nonbinary, I’ll argue the point with them because it’s my duty as a community leader, but I will establish they must gender me correctly and not use slurs for the duration of the debate, even if they disagree. They’re welcome to make their disagreement while respecting me, and usually they couldn’t manage that balance and I banned them. They would run out of patience before I did. It is absolutely essential that community moderators have an abundance of patience.
But not everyone wants to mod that community and not every community wants that debate to be happening. I am very grateful for your work and I have run communities that encourage discussion as well, but it’s not really a moral imperative or legal requirement or anything. Every community has its own culture, tone, rules, expectations, etc.
Again, I think it’s great that you run a community that operates like that and I think those discussions are very important and good for our society. Thank you for doing it, truly. But not every single Internet community has to allow extensive debate.
You and I have very different ideas about the moral responsibilities of people in authority. I think it’s essential that leaders be held to a higher standard in all cases.
I guess, it’s all good. I just feel like if I ran a PTSD board I shouldn’t have to allow folks who deliberately trigger people under the guise of debate and such because they “follow the rules.” I’m not saying that you would allow that, I just think that is much more at the forefront for me. I really do respect your position and I’m glad we have you running communities.
Oh yeah I don’t allow that sort of thing. I let people be harder on me as a leader than I’d let them be to people I’m responsible for protecting. If I’m to be worthy of power within a community then I have to be willing and able to advocate for the community. That means taking zero tolerance towards attacks on others, and embodying the community’s best values to the face of those who disagree. I always give troublemakers clear requirements for remaining in the community if that’s what they want. Protest is essential to social health, but it must be done without hate, and it’s better for animosity to be directed towards leaders than members.
It doesn’t have to have a fair appeals policy, but an instance that has an appeals policy is one that you would probably want to join more. So an instance should have a fair appeals policy, because that’s what the users who use the instance want - assuming the instance wants users.
As for what reddit did, there’s a lot of pulling the rug out that you’re casually ignoring. Reddit is what it is because of the users that contributed to it. In spite of Huffman talking about “their dataset”, they don’t actually own the data - it belongs to the users, reddit merely has a license.
Now, reddit is trying to change the rules - as a user, you’re no longer in charge of the subreddit you created and became moderator of anymore, you’re expected to serve “will of the users” (as defined by reddit admin), the users you attracted to the house you built. Reddit was founded on the idea “if you don’t like it, make your own space, and users will flock towards the better one”.
Reddit changed the moderator code of conduct. And yet, if you strictly apply the moderator code of conduct as they sometimes do, it completely undermines many of the bans that reddit admin also enforce. They’re hypocrits, now all they want is to exploit everyone that put them where they are.
Because the size of a community matters, and they’re not fungible. Back on reddit, my city’s subreddit was run by power-tripping mods. Sure, I could try to create an alternative – and somebody actually did – but it had multiple orders of magnitudes fewer users than the original sub and almost nobody would actually see what you posted there, so what’s the fucking point?
The entire reason I wanted to comment in the original sub was to try to politically persuade and influence people in my city. Censoring me from that sub was extremely effective even if alternatives theoretically existed.
But your city has other communities on other platforms and local social meetups. You don’t have to use Reddit.
Well, I don’t use Reddit anymore – it has joined the list of oligarch-owned shit that I’m boycotting (along with Facebook and Twitter). And yes, I do participate in local politics IRL.
But that still doesn’t invalidate what I wrote. The fact is that these platforms have too much fucking power as de-facto replacements for the public forum, and whether you refuse to use them or you get kicked out from them, it marginalizes you in a very real way that affects the real world. That’s a problem even if the possibility exists to go commune with other rejects on a platform the majority don’t give a shit about.
Not to mention, if I had a nickel for every real-world event hosted by a real-world local government, community, or activist organization that I missed because it was only advertised on Facebook, I’d have a big pile of nickels.
Oh I completely agree these platforms have too much power. Zero argument here. I’m just saying on an individual basis you have other options. But yeah i get what you’re saying
I got a temp ban for ‘trolling’ here on .world a few weeks back. Literally no notice at all. Had to go to the discord and ask. They instantly reversed it because they could tell I hadn’t been trolling.
Ehh . . sort of?
Appealing a ban for a social media post is . . . I dunno. Weird.
Well in this case, my best guess is I’ve been banned because I contacted a mod team that doesn’t want to hear from me. Problem is, they’re leaking sensitive chats from back when I was a mod and using them to attack me on other platforms. I asked them to stop. I’m a victim of harassment, but they probably reported me and the Reddit employees don’t care enough about doing their jobs to investigate. I’ve been in situations like this before, and I was able to resolve it through the appeals process. But that’s not going to happen if they don’t tell me precisely why I’ve been banned or let me appeal it.
A surefire way to make a company care, is to sue them. Just saying.
I already contacted the police about the situation and they said it’s not illegal. And I’m way too poor to sue a billion dollar company.
IANAL, but if they’re using private conversation contents without your permission to harass you… that sounds illegal to me.
And you don’t need to be rich to sue anyone. To win the case, maybe, but not just to sue.
The law doesn’t exist to protect people, it exists to protect capital. If you’re expecting to law to help trans people deal with abuse, you’re looking up the wrong tree.
I gave it up. ✌🏼
Most instances have some way of contacting the admins and talking things out. Unlike Reddit’s “did anyone even read this?” process, they tend to be actual people who actually answer.
No, they don’t. You can’t contact the admins from an account you can’t log into, and you can’t log into a suspended account. Also, your PMs won’t be seen by any user native to a remote instance you’ve been banned from, including admins.
First, there is email, discord, element, etc. Check your instance for contact options, they usually have some. Second, you can use an alt account from anywhere in the fediverse to PM people. If you’re honest about it, you can find a way.
Or… if you know you broke the rules and plan on doing it again, just move onto some other instance more accepting of your profile, there are 1000+ ones to choose from.