Glad I’m not the only one with the weird beard issues. At first it made me doubt my self but I also had a beard for almost 10 years. Now that I’m used to it more I don’t think it’s too bad. Put me in a bit of an in-between state, but I’m getting more comfortable with the journey ❤️
I guess the pen contouring would help a bit in seeing the surgeon’s “vision”. Hope you’re happy with the results so far!
No need to apologize ^^ I’m slow at responding too (and also over apologizing so I get it ❤️)
I think I am experiencing that same artificial rift you’re talking about. My wife has been the only one to see my true self (while we were teenagers I was a lot more explorative in my gender and then shut it down for a decade) and she told me how those were the parts of my self she loved the most. Now that I can embrace that part of myself again, we’ve gotten closer than ever!
It’s still difficult for both of us for sure, but we talk and stay honest and are trying to take it a step at a time.
I really relate to the self care aspect. I completely let all of that go while trying to force myself into the “man” box I thought I was supposed to be in. Barely showered, only bought clothes for practical reasons, let my hair get shaggy, generally just didn’t take any care of myself. Almost like I was punishing myself? Got to the point I was actively hurting myself through addiction and pushing my wife away.
Feel like I did a full 180 and now I love taking care of myself. I love shaving and moisturizing and finding clothes that are cute vs just practical. It’s done wonders for my self esteem because now I know why I hated myself so much. I wasn’t being my true self ❤️
Definitely going to look into support groups and things along those lines. I really lucked out with my current therapist who is gender affirming and I’ve been working with her for a couple years now. Funny side note, when I was looking for a therapist a couple years ago for general depression and anxiety help, I picked my current therapist because she specifically said in her profile she was an ally for lgbtq. Not that I knew at the time I was trans, but some part of me knew she was who I needed to work with ❤️
I’d love to stay in touch! But the fediverse is still kinda new to me so not sure what calckey or blahaj is 😅
Thank you for helping me so much and supporting a new chick like me 🐣
Oh no, not writing more than my interest level at all! Sometimes it takes me a while to respond back as it’s tough finding time to sit down and respond with a toddler climbing all over me 😅
Maybe we can keep this convo going in DM or on discord or something? I enjoy our talks and would like to keep it going as friends? ☺️
I would love to help with the skin care stuff but I’m pretty new to it myself, lol. Luckily my wife has been taking care of her skin for our whole relationship so I got a bit of a leg up in that regard. My understanding so far, and it’s mostly related to shaving my body, but you want to have an exfoliant, good razor and shave gel as well as a good lotion/moisturizer. I also have the added difficulty of very sensitive skin so the products I’m looking for deal with that a lot. If that isn’t too much of an issue for you, that’s great and will open your options up a lot!
I couldn’t find your link on Reddit to the sale but was it on Shein? I’m definitely wanting to find some every day panties that are comfortable. I don’t want to emphasize the bulge (agree 100% on the grossness of most “men’s lingerie” lol), but also not ready to try gaffing yet as I feel like it would be uncomfy 😞 so I’m looking for something that has a little stretch to it as well for, well, ya know.
Feel free to DM me or if you have discord, you should be able to find me by my username o.nevia :)
Huh, that’s really interesting. I wasn’t sure what all they could do. I feel like I have a really square jaw that my beard helped hide. And once I started my acceptance journey, I shaved it off and got really confused because I felt like I looked even more masculine. But I can’t handle having a beard anymore so I’ve been trying to just deal with it. I think I’m getting used to it now that it’s been a few weeks and I’m not “moving my face weird” anymore like my wife was saying lol.
Did you get an idea of how you would look after all the surgeries? Like, did they show you an approximation of how you would look?
This is still all new for me, so I know basically nothing at the moment 😅
I’m really late to this post but just recently came out to myself. Interested in ffs but don’t really know what it all entails?
How did it go for you and are you happy with the results? What exactly do they do if you don’t mind me asking?
I hope it goes well for you! Would love an update as you move through your journey ❤️
You got this girl
29 here. Just realized I was trans so worried I missed out on being able to pass as I transition 😞
Try writing it down in a letter. You don’t even need to give it to the person until you feel more ready. But maybe writing these feelings down and expressing them somewhere will help you gain the courage to tell those that matter. And then it’s literally just handing them a letter. You won’t have to find the courage to put words together because you already did it in your letter.
At least that helps me when I’m trying to say something difficult - no matter how I think the person will react.
Small steps at a time. It sounds like your sisters will be supportive and they may already have a feeling and are just waiting for you to come to them.
Just know you aren’t alone and we are here for you as well ❤ ️
You got this hun, and once it’s out there - it’s done and no longer something you have to do alone. It can be very daunting but also very relieving.
Wow! Thank you so much for explaining your journey with clothes. This was exactly what I needed. It was so overwhelming but now I have a great idea where to start ❤️ definitely going to follow your advice and give it a go. I’ve tried doing some general searching of products and things on Amazon for a starting point, but even that was overwhelming. My ADHD doesn’t help with that though 😅
Glad you enjoyed the album! Probably not going to find too much that is affirming in our journey, but I found it’s helped with the idea of being a parent for the first time. For me, becoming a parent helped kick everything into high gear on my self acceptance journey because I could be my truest self with my son. He loves me for me. Loves that I’m nurturing and affectionate. He loves im more motherly than fatherly and that really put things into perspective for me. I realized I saw myself as not only the parent I always wanted to have, but the MOTHER I always wanted to have. Hopefully that makes sense.
I’ll definitely try not to think too much about how I look in clothes but more how they make me feel. My wife let me try on a shirt of hers and I felt prettier - but after looking in the mirror I got kinda self conscious about it all? Definitely felt kinda ridiculous but also affirming. This whole journey feels strange sometimes. A lot of conflicting emotions. Feels like I now have a man and woman living inside of me. The man is trying to be protective and shut it all down, but the woman is finally being recognized for who she is ya know?
Is there anything else you have started to experiment with that has been affirming for you?
I’ve always had bushy eyebrows so I shaped them up and thinned them out and now I feel like my eyes are a better window into who I truly am 🥰
I’m also looking into some lingerie for men. Just some underwear that is more affirming and getting excited about that journey :) something easy to hide and almost a way to secretly be my girly self without anyone needing to know ❤️
Dj Roomba as a reference to PnR. And Disco, DJs older brother
Definitely going to check out your music as well!
Yeah, I think I used to feel like any type of self care was “too girly” and I think on a subconscious level I was worried it would crack my egg. So I’d let my skin start bleeding from being so dry before reluctantly using lotion. I think I was so disconnected from the man in the mirror 😉 that I didn’t have any regard for his well being. Just felt like I was walking around in a meat suit that didn’t belong to me.
I am really interested in looking at women’s clothing but have no idea where to start. My entire wardrobe has been all practicality and utility. Because anything else felt too constricting or wrong. Didn’t know why that was a thing until I cracked lol.
Thank you for your reply! And I have been feeling exactly this! Days where I’m confident in this decision and ready to do all the girly stuff and days where I’m like “maybe I’m lying?”
But as time moves on and I become more comfortable with the idea, the better I have been feeling. I used to HATE taking care of my self in any sort of way. Now I’m loving getting a smooth shave all over my body, lotioning up and feeling silky smooth. Took me some time to get used to not having a beard, but I feel generally better about my appearance.
Even started wearing my tighter fitting clothing again because all of a sudden I wasn’t getting hit with dysphoria attacks. (At the time I thought I was just overly sensitive to how clothing fit, lol)
Anyways. As I embrace my femininity, I feel more confident and lovable if that makes sense? I like feeling cute. I like feeling like this.
Music has always been a huge help for me when it comes to my mental health. I’m always humming or listening to something. Especially if I’m trying to get through a specifically anxious moment. I’d love to know what music has been helping you ❤️
For me, I love listening to Manchester Orchestra, specifically their Black Mile to the Surface album. It speaks to me because it’s about becoming a parent for the first time (I have a 15mo) but some of the lyrics speak to the woman inside. Even if it feels like I’m forcing it a bit lol. Literally one song goes “throw the man you used to be away” and I’m like “uh yes hun I will!”
❤️🐣
I am so proud of you for taking the step to being able to tell your family! Let alone working on showing them how to love you. We’re all the same people we were before - were just now MORE of ourselves that we thought was possible.
I love you for coming out to those around you. I’m not quite ready for that yet. My wife and therapist knows, but no one else so far. Kinda scared of that part. Lol
Well, hate to be another but you’re beautiful and my goals as well. I just cracked 2 weeks ago though so I’m still new to it all. ❤️
I’m here for you as you have been for me! We can get through this together ❤️
I’m having a lot of those thoughts too. Both feelings of confidence and love for myself and more depressive thoughts like I’m just too tired to do this? Now I know why I have had chronic depression and anxiety - but also 29 years of that really takes the wind out of your sails sometimes.
Thank you for normalizing these feelings for me ❤️ I’m also struggling with the concept of gender being a spectrum. Although I feel more feminine than masculine, there are aspects of myself I don’t necessarily want to lose. I don’t know. I don’t even know how far I want to transition. I think I’d be willing to do HRT, but I’m also worried about my intimacy with my wife. I hear it can change libido as well as the functionality of my penis.
I don’t know. I hate feeling like I know exactly who I want to be now, but at the same time no idea how far I’m comfortable with going? Not to mention the stress it puts on my marriage and family.
Been having another really rough day today and I don’t have support from anyone other than my wife who is currently too overwhelmed to be able to talk about this stuff. Which I understand.
I’m rambling. Sorry, I know you were being nice about reaching out - but I could really use a friend who has been going through this too 😕
This really spoke to me. It makes a lot of sense and helps me better understand these emotions and defenses. Thank you so much :)
I’ve definitely been seeing just how depressed I was. I generally didn’t think there was a way out and wasnt afraid to die. Didn’t care if I died. But now I see what’s on the other side and realize I can actually be happy but in order to do that I have to change. And change is really hard for me to be comfortable with
This got me good. Ha!
Thank you for helping me get back to reality. I get so overwhelmed and get ahead of myself when I need to slow down and take things slowly. ❤️
Yeah, for anyone lurking and making it this far, feel free to reach out to me as well if you’d like to connect! I’m happy to make new friends and think we could all use some more support ❤️
And I agree. My son is a very adorable responsibility and I love him more each day. I know I’m biased, but he is probably the best person to have ever existed? 😂