Emma pushed so far she got the whole family angry at her.

Good job. Really shows she is going to be great for handling future family issues./s

Update Post 2: October 28, 2024 (2 days later, 3 from OG post)

My brother has gone too far and I decided to be done with him. He made our Grandma cry and I think permanently damaged a lot of his relationships. I want to mention some of my cousins and other family members thought I was just stubborn and creating drama but now there is no longer my side or Emma’s side. Maybe he always felt this way but the issue he has with Robert is absolutely ridiculous.

He was so upset with what Grandma said about him being Emma’s lap dog that he called her to speak about it. I was obviously not present for the conversation but Grandma told me what happened and Luke confirmed it.

He told her that it was unfair of me to ask Robert for help since he was her favorite grandchild and would get her to side with me no matter how wrong I was. He also told her that many of the cousins believe this and that it was so obvious since she even left her religion for him, he claimed the other LGBTQ+ members of the family (most were not even born when Robert came out by the way) doubted if she would do it for them.

So Grandma explained to Luke and then call every single one of her grandchildren to ask them how they felt and explain to each a part we didn’t know. She said that when Robert came out and she spoke with the old Priest he hinted about knowing of places to set Robert ‘straight’. Grandma had heard horror stories from this places and so had Robert and they both spoke with my parents together about that not being an option at all. My parents never intended to send Robert there and are very casual Catholics, but Grandma wanted to cover the basis just in case. I was told Grandma sounded like she had being crying on the phone and after the first couple of calls, which went from oldest to youngest the group chat started to blow. Robert is livid, our LGBTQ+ cousins are livid and say Luke lied, even the cousins that were telling me to stop being a stubborn head are livid.

By the time I was up for my call I was already on the way to Grandma’s. Two of my cousins were already there and the youngest one, Sara (16F), was ready to literally fight Luke. For a bit of levity Sara is about 35 cm smaller than Luke and the image of her swinging at him made me laugh a bit, she asked if I was making fun of her and I just explained the whole mental image of her trying to hit him and she admitted it was kind of funny. What I didn’t tell her is I would love to slap some sense into Luke.

My Grandma has been through so much in her life and this is not what we want for her. She looks puffy faced and kept asking everybody if they truly felt unloved by her, saying she would do everything for any of us. Explaining how Robert was the oldest grandchild but that didn’t mean she loved the rest any less. She is a strong woman, but I think something inside her broke a little with the thought she hurt her grandchildren. It was a shitshow, a big one and I was just so done with Luke.

My parents have been passive towards the situation so far because I asked them to, but after they heard what happened they told him they need time away from him. Robert is simply disgusted and decided to not speak with him anymore, which he communicated through the cousin group chat with Luke’s response being that this is why Emma’s help on reining all us would be so beneficial if we just let her. He also added how Robert never cared for him or anybody really and he just tried to be the center of attention all the time. He cited his coming out, his announcement he was gonna marry a woman, the birth of his child, it was ridiculous. He came out when Luke was a toddler and for many years only our parents and grandparents knew. He announced he was gonna marry his now wife through a text but didn’t interfere or took from anybody. His child was born 4 months before Luke’s graduation and apparently that was a big issue for Luke that he never commented.

Maybe I am biased, maybe I am selfish like Emma claims, but I call bullshit on his tantrum. Every single one of the cousins has been helped, babysat, tutored, gotten out of trouble, you name it by Robert. He isn’t perfect but he isn’t the conniving ass Luke is claiming. Maybe Luke has always felt inadequate and we didn’t notice, maybe it was his last ditch effort, maybe Emma has manipulated him so far that he can’t come back. It doesn’t matter anymore.

If he does marry Emma I wish him the best, if he doesn’t I hope he goes to therapy. Regardless of what he decides he burned so many bridges and hurt so many people, I don’t see this resolving any time soon. For now I will focus on my Grandma and making her feel better. I feel extremely guilty because it was Emma’s situation with me that opened this can of worms, I know I shouldn’t but it’s hard not to.

Some of OOP’s Comments:

Commenter: Wow it sounds like it is self projection from Luke he is the conniving asshole he is saying Robert is.

OOP: Robert is the type of older cousin Sara would call if she is drunk at a party and needs a safe ride. He also did it for Luke which is why I don’t get his deal.

Commenter: Irrational behavior is called that because it can’t be rationalized. Luke is exhibiting very irrational behavior which is why you’ll never understand it. The best you can hope for is that he gets some serious therapy and pulls his head out of his ass sooner rather than later!

OOP: If he asked for help and apologized sincerely, I would be there in 2 seconds. He knew what he was doing when he spoke with out Grandma, he knew it would cause her pain, he knew he would hurt Robert too. Robert might not be crying but he feels bad about the situation, he has always looked out for everybody and even has pics of him holding every single one of us as babies all over one of his walls. I always knew there were not the closest of brothers but this is too much.

Commenter: This is not your doing. Understand this is all Emma’s fault. She knows it too. I’d bet money she is realizing how much her need to feel superior to you is costing. […]

OOP: Logically, I know this is on Emma and Luke. But seeing my Grandma so sad and trying to convince everybody she loves us makes me feel bad. I know she will bounce back though!

Commenter: It may be that her purpose is to isolate him.

Please tell your grandmother from another old lady not to doubt herself because Luke has decided to live in crazy town

OOP: I don’t know anymore. He is still very active with our maternal family so far, I am unsure how they will react when or if they hear what happened because both families have a great relationship. He still has a strong support system when it comes to friends, some even dislike or disapprove of Emma and are vocal about it. I am seriously on the wave that this was low key less about me and more a poke to Robert. And thanks, she really needs a lot of love.

Commenter: NTA Your little brother and his fiancée sound insane, as he thinks y’all are obligated to let some unhinged random woman to “rein” you all in because he likes fucking her? With his tactics with your grandma, I think you need to stop saying this is all on Emma.

Look back at her having an issue with you because of how you mistreat Luke. Which from your account doesn’t seem happens. It sounds like your brother has created a narrative of the situation that is likely not recognizable as truth by anyone else. Maybe he resents being the kid and no one listening to him and figures he can get his way by acting victim. Who knows?

OOP: You hit a point I have been trying to avoid. Maybe he has been like this all the time and Emma is just putting a magnifier on it. I must say he was the center of attention when it was about him: graduations, birthdays, presentations, engagement party. He got celebrated on his achievements just as loud as everybody else. Grandma tried to always be there, so did our parents. He was always invited to stuff, always asked for his opinion on group decisions, he has always been loved.

Commenter: I posted this on the other post, but if she is such a good Catholic she should know you can’t take communion anyway, since you weren’t married in the church. I wouldn’t break the rules for this psycho. Hope your brother gets away from her before she hurts anymore people.

OOP: Oh that is so out of the question now, I wouldn’t go to that wedding even if the Pope himself asked me to. I am going no contact with Luke and so are most of my relatives due to his conversation with Grandma.

We visit Grandma a lot since she lives by herself and we truly enjoy her company. Today we were all there because she is over this drama already. After a lunch, that was more like snacking to be honest, she asked us all to clear the air. Emma continued with her rant about me being a disrespectful person and that she was asking the bare minimum from me. My Grandma asked her why she had no issue with her not taking communion and Emma said that she was her elder and for sure her reasons were more than a tantrum like it was in my case. She also repeated that she was asking this of all the siblings and I was the only one that was being difficult with her tiny request.

This is where everything crumbled for her. I mentioned in the comments that Robert is also lapsed and he was already exhausted by this situation. He asked her why she had no issues with him not taking communion and she looked like a kid that was caught. She didn’t have a proper answer. Robert then asked her if she even knew why he and Grandma became lapsed. She shook her head and looked at Luke for help, Luke on the other hand was staring angrily at Robert and I but said nothing.

Robert explained to Emma he was the reason Grandma became lapsed. When Robert was a teen he came out as gay and was so worried about our Grandparents reaction since they were very active in the Catholic church. Grandma felt awful about it and even worse when she went and spoke about this with the then Priest of her Church, that Priest was super old school and told her that Robert was committing sins, he was going to hell, he needed to find his way, the whole nine yards. Grandma didn’t take that so well and simply stopped going to Church and started spending that time with her grandchildren. Over the years she started getting into the whole community again but she decided she was done taking the sacraments, she respects parts of the church but can’t fully reconcile with it.

Emma was a bit confused since Robert is married to a woman and he explained he is bisexual and ended up with a woman just as he could have ended with a man. He also commented they are not married in the church but that didn’t matter to her like it mattered when it came to me. He asked her directly what was her problem with me.

Long story short, she said I was rude since the beginning and kept treating Luke wrong. Oh and I also was very snarky about looking younger than her. Crickets. She is a beautiful successful woman so I still don’t understand her obsession but it seems like she wants people to see I respect her and what she says. I just started laughing, she started crying and saying I turned my Grandma against her. My Grandma told her to stop blaming people for her being a negative person and she was always going to side with me over her. Luke got upset at that and asked her why she was not supporting him and she simply said she doesn’t support him being a lap dog for a crazy woman.

More was said, nothing got truly resolved. I was kind of invited again but declined going, Grandma is undecided if she even wants to go at all. My older siblings told Luke they will go to the ceremony if he seeks couples therapy or at least therapy. My parents are having headaches and now dislike Emma so much they can’t hide it. Oh! And yes Grandma spoke with the Priest and he wants them to do extra premarital counseling or he won’t officiate.

I hope they don’t get married but he is old enough to derail his life if he wants. I thank you for letting me vent and my Grandma loved the Pope joke!

Wonder if OP could have steered the convo away by saying her friend is trying to ruin the marriage instead of comming clean. I would have. Hide secrets by telling the truth. I don’t want to be with someone that did drugs. Be too afraid of relapse.

macaroniandmilk

I seriously don’t know what the FUCK is going on in this thread where the to voted comments are about how it’s all on you because you’re a fucking liar?!??

This is the same subreddit that will tell most posters that their sexual past is no one else’s business, barring diseases or sex work. Maybe these people only read your update and assumed you hid both of those from him? I don’t know.

Either way, YOU did nothing wrong. If your sexual past was such a big deal for him, HE should have asked you some questions, not just assumed you were some pure little angel living in a bubble just waiting for this one specific man to come whisk you away. If having a sexual past is a dealbreaker and he didn’t question you, that’s on him. Not you.

Lawyer up, make the split, and go find some guy who won’t judge you for actions that happened 15 years ago and have no bearing on him whatsoever.

OOP

Never said I was a virgin. We met when I was like 25, come on. Any time I mentioned an ex-boyfriend - not sexually, just in conversation, like “Oh, I went to [destination] with 'ex-boyfriend]” - he’d get pissy and unhappy. He never came out and said it, but I could tell it made him uncomfortable. So early on in our relationship, I made the conscious decision to stop talking about my past boyfriends completely.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP’s OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

At one point she called him a facist and said he needed to “grow some balls” if the picture bothered him instead of making it an issue when his wife said it was an issue. Very typical, your wife is the bad guy trying to keep her away from grand-baby. As you can guess, this didn’t go over well. He made it clear that her issue is not with me. Now that MIL disrespected his wife, he’s got a problem with her. I (wife) have given MIL a lot of slack and not jumped down her throat for the offensive things she’s said. It’s MIL that is putting politics over family.

It was never about the elephant. He wasn’t worried at first about her respecting our rules, but with how she’s acting, he knows it’s a problem. Conversation cut off there but he is going over there in person tomorrow to start it right back up. He made it clear to MIL this is not her child and she does not have decision making power.

I’ll update tomorrow if there’s any big developments, but as of right now I feel validated that something was indeed off. And I’m grateful that my husband and I are on the same page and supporting each other.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Wait! is that not normal to min max my farm?

Now to apply same energy for votes tomorrow and it’s a real win.

Lol i started seeing people in my store use the same kind of trolly bag. I feel like a trend setter.

I’ve seen it on a chocolate pizza thing or are you talking a normal pizza?

I would like to know more!

That’s a interesting POV of feeling a sense of abandonment from BFF. Kind of never considered it since people naturally drift apart. I barely talk to my family members and I live with them. Even still I would not hold it against someone if they just dipped out. Though i would if they kept hanging out with other people. That’s a wtf.

Yeah dude seems too pathetic to murder anyone other than his constiuents. Would be freaky if he broke character stopped being a Jerry.

Si, Senior Cancun

Proving anime proportions are legitimate!

Great, Well now I have one too.

100% worth watching and supporting!

Banned singing and talking. So no sounds. Next if she farts she goes to jail.

Don’t they have more pressing concerns than this kind of legislation!?

She had a running mate?

I remember this was brought up with the interns in trumps Whitehouse. I think it said they had to date each other or something. I remember it was funny.