Hey. Sorry for being gone here for a while. I value this community and I’m not trying to show my uglier sides.

I’ve been clubbing. Talking to people. Girls, the mentally ill, homeless, gangsters, rubes, tech bros, artists, businessmen, and…someone really strange.

I’m very involved already. I’m trying to define an autonomous life but this guy has the gravitational pull of the Sun. And not for no reason.

He has very good intentions. Truly. A good heart. He is brilliantly smart. He has magic powers. He helps the homeless. But he’s corruptible. I can already tell the system is going to take his grand utopian ideals and twist them, slowly, or at least try damn hard to.

I want to be his right hand guy. To be the Marxist Leninist in high places. To seize a position from the enemy and turn it against the system. This guy knows people. He knows Obama. He knows leaders in high industries. He’s not some random. I want to infiltrate whatever I can. It’s about time the Beast got twisted back. The time is ripe.

I’m scared, of course. Every bad thought about me is coming to light. I have some tough decisions to make. Crime, and organized crime, is staring at me. Insanity. I didn’t sleep so much that I hit a new level. It’s powerful. Insanity is powerful. My heart is so broken.

The line is a razor’a edge.

I already know what people will say. I already tried to talk about my close ones with it. I already know. It’s so complicated. It’s not as simple as it seems. It really isn’t.

The United States is Hell on Earth. It is the epicenter of evil. Socialism has been destroyed here a dozen times. Socialism has never been achieved in the imperial Western “developed” countries. We all know the MLism is a guideline, not a strict recipe. Every country, every time and place and set of peoples, requires unique circumstances.

The USA will require, naturally according to its position, the most bizarre and unprecedented circumstances socialist history has yet to see.

It may be something we hate that is the key. Something already proven ugly. Gangs, lumpenproles like the homeless, cults, parties, drugs, organized crime, capitalist institutions, fascist fervor, churches, music, celebrities, electoralism, apoliticism, accelerationism, hoteps, consumerism…who knows which of these ugly things may prove necessary.

Did not our heroes do the same, fundamentally?

I’m out here. Seeing the people in these places…it’s something else. I’m not a complete rookie to it but…wow.

I want to relay my experience. Regardless if this experiment ends in failure or success. Regardless of my fears or the historical precedent or the logic or the common sense.

I’m just a pawn.

Also, I’m going to be touring the continental United States and possibly other bits of North America. I don’t know when or how far out. I’ll say again when it’s time. I need money first. But if anybody here wants some human experience…just to hang out and chat or anything else…just let me know. I would love to meet any Lemmygrad comrades, for any reason, just as simple humans.

I don’t know why I’m writing this. Evidently I am still sleep deprived haha. Or maybe I’m just on my shit. This is my shit. It can’t be taken away from me.

I love you all. I wish you the best. We are comrades. We are the pioneer species, the lichens and moss breaking down rocks so that grasses and one day trees may grow on the barren land. Our job is not easy. It is cold and cruel. It is in many ways FEELS against the grain. Against the flow. It really isn’t. I am trying to go with the flow. The flow has never betrayed socialism. I am flushing down my doubts and my inhibitions. It will be necessary. No silk gloves.

I wish you the best. If you want to talk the best way would be my Instagram right now @kigv2. I also have a phone. If you can find the number online you can call or text me anytime ;p

Long live Socialism. Long live Socialism.