I do, most of the time. I’ve always felt creative, I always have thousands of ideas and concepts for anything, be it a drawing, a song or a text of any kind, but regardless of what it is, anytime I sit down and try to make something I hate it, I hate it so deeply it disgusts me and kills any will to continue whatever it is I’m doing.
I tried to write some lyrics some days ago, it felt okay-ish until I wnt back and read it, at which point it feelt as if I was seeing someone else in the mirror: all the things, the ideas, the feelings I thought I put in it just aren’t there. It feels hollow, alien, repulsive.
I know I can’t be good as a beginner, but I’ve been a beginner in everything since I was a kid. And I kept trying and trying and trying, and every time I felt that feeling of disgust and repulsion, outrage even. I just can’t stand it anymore, and maybe “art”, or rather artistic self-expression, isn’t my thing? Maybe I keep trying to open a door that simply isn’t the one I’m supposed to open?
Did you ever feel this way and overcame it? I don’t even care about making whatever I make public, I just want to feel as if I gave shape to something I thought or felt.
My primary avenue for art is in writing. I enjoy it quite a bit, and I like to think I can do it well.
I still feel as though I have not earned the right to call it art. I always refer to it as “my writing” or the like. It’s not, and will never be to me, truly artistic.
But that’s fine. I don’t need to prove that my writing is art to enjoy doing it. I don’t need to prove it to myself and others that it’s worth doing. The fact that I do write, and that I enjoy it, is all that I need.