This question belongs in r/relationships I think.

I had the desire for cameras inside and outside cause live in not the worst but not the greatest area. My SO had no real issues with it so we went for it. A few weeks later I noticed myself going into a deep state of depression and it took me a while to realize that the inside cameras was making me very uneasy, feeling like I was being watched. Being a veteran with PTSD there were likely other things that contributed and made the matter even worse but really I felt like I wasn’t even living in my own home. I started tip-toeing, opening/closing doors slowly, and being as quiet as possible just for example. In retrospect this all feels a little dramatic but beforehand I never considered any of that being a possibility and it ended up making me feel a way I didn’t like of course. You need to talk with (not “at”) your SO about what they want and why they want it and then express your concerns whether that’s your feelings, emotions, safety, and/or something different with your SO. Discuss how there could be impacts not yet realized too. There is compromise here if some level of psychological safety is practiced on both ends.

See a counselor together. There’s obviously something causing a trust issue, and it’s probably completely minor. A counselor can help you sort it out. My wife and I saw one years ago and it was awesome. We’re on a great path now but often I wish we still saw one with some regularity.

Your analogy about the phone is spot on. You’re not doing anything wrong but do you really want someone seeing your search history about “how long do hemorrhoids last?” Hell nah.

I understand OPs hesitations.

I have done the following

• camera firmwares have been tweaked and are now local only and stream to my Home Server and all other access from other devices is blocked
• external access only via VPN. No Apps, no cloud etc
• notifications are sent over the cloud but hold only an alert, no Screenshots
• cameras are turned off when me or my partner are within 100m of our home. I did this with a simple USB switch so the cameras are getting no power at all.
• persistent notifications Camera On on different devices.
• using a good Firewall and a SIEM to monitor devices, traffic and access.

Maybe OP would be OK with a similar setup. I had wanted to use cams for presence and person detection but my partner vetoed that pretty quick.

I have found great relief being able to remotely connect and make sure things are ‘OK’. For example, we were away during a tornado. Another time, my hot water heater leak alarm went off, I was able to log in and verify that it was a false alarm.

Out of respect for my partner, I keep the mics off, unless I specifically turn them on to check.

There is no way I would agree to that.

We had cameras at my last house. We had a couple inside that covered all the external doors. Do you think he’s doing this to spy on you? I never once did that with ours.

Have you asked him why he wants this?

Outdoor only. Fake indoor cameras for burglar deterrence would be a compromise, as long as you can tell the difference. Camera footage gets leaked all the time, by emotionally broken people, authorities, etc.

I think you should both talk ,openly, about your concerns . The pro’s and con’s and such.

It sounds like you’re getting some extra sauce on your Taco and he just wants to make aure

Nah! Cameras outside sure but inside nope unless it’s to monitor children or pets. When I go out I power up a couple of cameras to keep check on my dog.

Hahaha someone is cheating 😭

“What do I have to hide? Insecurities, same as any other person who would feel the need to put up an indoor camera in their shared living space.”

There are cameras with lids that open physically, so the view is blocked when it’s off. When it’s open, it means the camera is on.

So if you allow a camera in your living space, look for one with a lid

Hard no, and yes you should be offended.