I (guy) considered myself straight most of my life. Didn’t even think about it. A couple years ago I had some sexual going ons with a dude and enjoyed it, I would happily engage in such things again. This continued for a while. People being attractive is the hook on the end of the line, but having an attractive personality and deeply caring for one another is what I really want. I guess that makes me bisexual. Not that anyone but two of my friends know.
Now I’ve moved and am longing for someone to hold me. I would’ve (probably fruitlessly) gone for women before (and still have interest in them) but I have a concern of anyone taking me the wrong way. I imagine women have some degree of caution when being approached by guys. A minority of guys may approach women with the intent of having sex with them and I’m sure that concern is in the back of their head when a guy they don’t know well is talking to them. I’m concerned about inappropriately coming off this way so that plus a lack of past successes has made me give up hope on that front. Conversely, I feel ‘I’ve got this’ about approaching guys I find attractive. It’s something new to me. (When it comes to expressing romantic interest, though, I’ll probably find the shy part of myself taking over lol.)
Anyways, ramble over. What should I do? Any words of advice? I’m not special, this can’t be a unique situation. Thanks for reading.
Your problem is, as far as I am concerned, rather common among bi men who have experience with other men but not with women.
It is kind of uncomfortable when you have recently met a woman (that you might be interested in romantically) and you mention being queer in some implicit context (assuming that your bi-ness isn’t deterministically clear) but you don’t want them to think that you are only interested in other men, because you can imagine having a romantic relationship with them, but perhaps it’s too early to mention that. “I am also interested in women” really screams “I can have sex with you, too”. Bi erasure (especially erasure of bi men) makes it more difficult to approach women (especially non-queer women), because these tend to write you off as a gay man, and as stated above, going for a head-on approach would appear as desperate or simply creepy. The solution is, as dumb as it sounds: Be clear about being bi and look for women who are also queer and/or understand & accept your bi-ness. If you have to mention that you “are also interested in women” after mentioning that you are bi, or if a person simply ignores your attraction for women because you have had a relationship with a man before, that person is very likely not a good partner for you as they will have a hard time processing an integral part of you: Your bisexuality.
Sounds like that’s something worth making known after knowing someone for a while