Wear the grudge like a crown of negativity

  • danieljoeblack@kbin.social
    27·
    1 year ago

    I have a tendency to forget, full stop. I sometimes try to stay mad at someone that’s wronged me in some way, but then about an hour later, halfway through a conversation with them, I’ll remember I was mad, but at that point I’ve already been friendly with them so I can’t go back to being mad.

    Overall, not a terrible trait to have I suppose, but I think it makes it easier for people to take advantage of me sometimes.

    • ZeroCool@feddit.chOPEnglish
      23·
      1 year ago

      but then about an hour later, halfway through a conversation with them, I’ll remember I was mad, but at that point I’ve already been friendly with them so I can’t go back to being mad.

      lol no offense intended but this dilemma is so much funnier if you imagine it was written by a golden retriever.

    • OrderedChaos@lemmy.worldEnglish
      71·
      1 year ago

      Your body is using that as a pathway to forgiveness. It’s a wonderful trait. Holding onto stuff brings misery.

      • captainlezbian@lemmy.worldEnglish
        10·
        1 year ago

        Sometimes but it can bring security. “It’s not that i hate you but that you’ve earned my distrust” is an important self defense emotion

        • asteriskeverything@lemmy.worldEnglish
          3·
          1 year ago

          And based on people in my life it is a very under utilized one! You know what I have not had happen in my adult life? Have someone hurt me by total surprise. Because I see the warning signs before. It hurts a lot less to not be blind sighted and after that it’s just, hey I accept them for who they are and that’s that.

          I genuinely feel bad for this OP @danieljoeblack and I suggest maybe you journal but only when someone hurts you. (I am assuming it’s not literally within the same conversation) but even if it is at least make note you were aware you were mad at them for something. That way you can keep track if it’s a pattern.

        • OrderedChaos@lemmy.worldEnglish
          1·
          1 year ago

          Absolutely. I think through my direct experience of forgetting why someone hurt me that my body recalls that for me without the actual details by giving me warning signs via anxiety and worry when someone begins to do similar things. It is less about targeting and obsessing over one person and not being willing to forget and forgive so they can grow and change and more about recognizing the signs and protecting yourself in whatever way you know best.

          We are all evolving. Just because the scammer that stole my money when I was a kid doesn’t mean that scammer will always be one. I still love them but I don’t have to trust them kind of thing. If we cannot allow people to change then will we allow ourselves to change? As Above; So Below or something like that could be said As Without; So Within.

  • Scrof@sopuli.xyzEnglish
    151·
    1 year ago

    That’s why Warhammer dwarves write down all their grudges in a book.

  • Flying Squid@lemmy.worldEnglish
    6·
    1 year ago

    There’s a few people I know from high school I feel that way about. I don’t remember what they did, but I know it was heinous enough for me to hate them for a good decade, so it must have been something bad.

  • dill@lemmy.oneEnglish
    4·
    1 year ago

    Wtf, I know this person irl. We met briefly in Chicago quite a few years ago. Some of my friends still keep in touch with her.